Very UNbrief medical update

First I must apologize, I had told you all that I would have this update last night, but I never got it finished because I was too bagged form the days events and needed to sleep. I got the best night’s sleep in weeks last night... good thing too, because the weekend is coming up...lol. So here is last night’s post:

I trust that many of you who are following along my journey have already done your daily check-in and seen that things turned out not too bad this afternoon, which is good for Kevin and bad for Achmed! One more infidel will live to tell the story! As promised, I have returned to fill in the details for those of you who need them, and those of you who don’t, read it anyway… by the time I have 100 of these written, they will all be interrelated, kind of like watching Lost, or Heros, or Prison Break… or for you older folks, Dallas or Knots Landing… or for you young folks, actually I have no idea what you watch except for Hannah Montanna, and I don’t believe that is a continuing story.

As you know, last night I received what more or less amounted to no sleep and this morning I ate what more or less amounted to no breakfast. It is a good thing that coffee is a staple food or I may have been suffering from malnutrition all day!

I will try to keep this as briefly detailed as I can… now that is a bigger oxy-moron than jumbo shrimp! First let me put this all in perspective for you. I look at everyone who is following my journey as my own private infantry that protects me from the killer enemy: negativity. My immediate support group are my recon and strategist team and they help me research my options, prepare my forces and plan my attack. The medical team are the Marines who specialize in quick in and out rescue missions and Dr. Batten is the General of the whole operation... pardon the pun. General Batten… not to be mistaken for General Patten… which incidentally is also a great movie! So I guess that makes me the President of my head and Achmed my chief rival for control… my nemesis! I don’t know why this military analogy has come to me. When I was in the army, there is only one thing that I liked about it… quitting and becoming a civilian again!

Now for the news… the consultation with my General today as well as my top Lieutenant in charge of research (Mom), turned out to be very positive, as close to the best case scenario as I could have hoped for. There are really 2 best case scenarios; one is more of a dream, kind of like winning the lottery... but people do win the lottery, and I do have a ticket in this particular one! Basically, I was hoping for this type of dialogue: “We are sorry to waste your time Kevin, but the CT scan has a blemish on it and you are fine, there is no Achmed”, or this, “It is not a tumour at all, you have this extra brain capacity that is unknown to the average human, you are actually extra intelligent!” Unfortunately, like all the rest of my of lotto tickets, neither one of these numbers came up... but I still may have won the TAG number, or at least a free ticket to play again:)

The more realistic best case scenario would be more like Achmed has stopped growing and we are just going to leave him there and watch, just in case he decided to become Active Achmed again. This was also not my news, but the news I did get was a helluva lot better than, “we need to split your skull open right away and dismember Achmed!”

Here are Achmed’s facts:

1) His size, shape and location make me a candidate for the Gamma Ray Modulator (yippee);

2) I need an MRI to monitor his rate of growth before he gets zapped, (the MRI will happen in about 6 weeks), then I have a follow-up strategy meeting with the General to plan the attack;

3) They have reason to believe that he is slow growing and he is definitely NOT CANCER, so there is no rush to get me to WINNIPEG!;

4) I HAVE TO GO TO WINNIPEG?!?!?! That news hit me like another smack in the head. Have you ever been to Winnipeg? In the summer the flies are big enough to carry you away, in the winter the cold can freeze the balls off a brass monkey, and as a human I am made up of 70% water:-\

So as you see, my prognosis is pretty good, and I will have more information here in the coming days and weeks.

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From Achmed and Me... Live Life!