So today, for the first time in about a month, I actually felt like my old self again and a series of events in the past two days have brought me out of my sluggish stupor and flying back into the face of reality.
Yesterday I got my Telecaster back from the shop with a new pickup in it; today after work I actually had a good workout at the gym, not just a ride on a stationary bike to make me feel somewhat active; then I got a $400 speeding ticket in the mail (in all the confusion and bureaucratic crap I had to deal with for the Winnipeg nuclear blast, I missed my court date a couple of days before I left… another stinging reminder of how screwed up our ‘healthcare’ system is); and finally, as I was walking into my bedroom, reading my conviction notice and thinking, “ok, no problem, no Christmas gifts for anyone this year,” I stepped right into Mikey’s breakfast… yes, my little fur-ball had puked all over my bedroom floor! A week ago Mikey could have thrown-up all over me and I probably wouldn’t have had to energy to wipe it off.
Of course, you already know that I went back to work last week, but somehow three half-days doesn’t seem like a very profound effort to re-establish myself back in the workforce. This week started off with more than half days, but not really full ones and my plan tomorrow is to actually work for the entire time that I get paid for.
I still have trouble getting going in the morning, mostly because I am not sleeping well or I have a headache. The pressure from lying on the anchor-holes in my skull, where once was attached a halo-brace, is less than comfortable after an eight hour nap. That being said, the headaches, jaw pain, balance problems and dizziness, which were all short-term effects from the radiation, seem to be disappearing at a pretty good rate. I haven’t had a burning sensation in my jaw in a couple of days and the last time I was dizzy was yesterday. The numbness in my hand is all but gone, as it is in my face. These particular effects being gone could be a side-effect of the steroids I was shot up with in Winnipeg, so it is possible that they MAY return before they hopefully go away for good.
All-in-all, I am recouping pretty well!
Today marks 3 weeks since I had 4 screws drilled into my head and got blasted with enough radiation to turn me into The Incredible Hulk, and I finally feel like I am returning to normal, or at least as normal as I probably ever will be. I have really fallen down on the job on keeping everyone informed the way I had said I would, but I will fire a few updates in here over the next week or so to fill you all in on how things really went with the surgery and how I was so incoherent after they fried my brain, that I couldn’t even order a chicken sandwich over the phone. Luckily for my tummy, the guy on the other end of the phone knew what I was trying to say and kept finishing my sentences for me… I have a few friends who might be interested in hiring him to translate for them when they go on a road trip!
From Achmed (he’s still there but hopefully actually dead now) and Me…Live Life!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Achmed's 12 Days of Sleep
Not to be confused with the 12 days of Christmas, where there is constant partying and celebration, the 12 days of sleep were just that, SLEEP.
The first day after surgery, I slept about 15 or 16 hours on and off, probably in 2 to 3 hour stints. As time went on, the sleep time became longer and the time asleep became shorter. Here I am now, realizing once again the hard way that my body is not yet ready for full-steam ahead. I still need 10 to 12 hours of sleep a day, although it seems that my afternoon naps are becoming less required if I sleep in for a bit in the morning.
This past weekend I did everything in my power to try to get myself on a ‘normal’ type of schedule. Friday night I was so bored that I went to a movie with my niece and my sister and her boyfriend… I never go to movies. In fact, the irony was not lost on me that I had spent two weeks lying on couches and beds, watching TV and movies (something that I hardly ever do anyway) and then, my first night out in civilization I went to a movie! It was good to get out of the house but I still wonder what I was thinking. I didn’t even get to see a good blood and guts movie, I saw a movie about a bunch of girls in a roller derby.
Anyway, today my intention had been to go back to work, even if it is only half days for a week or two… I am really starting to lose my mind doing nothing! It seems that between a movie on Friday night, doing odds and ends around the house on Saturday, popping into a friend’s house for a birthday party on Saturday night and going to the cabin for the day, with Mom and Dad on Sunday, I depleted my strength reserves. I went to bed at a half decent hour last night and never hauled my ass out of the rack until almost lunchtime today. And a continuing problem I still have nagging at me from the surgery is that the incisions on the back of my head are not healing as fast as the ones on the front of my head… this is leading to me waking up every morning with a driving headache from the pressure on the wounds while I sleep.
The pressure headache from the halo brace is almost gone, just some reserve tingling on the back of my head and directly on the scars on my forehead. The roaring in my ear has mellowed for the most part. It is still there, and most likely always will be, but the frequency seems to be more constant lately. The burning sensation in my jaw still comes and goes, but it also seems to be lessening and lasting for shorter periods of time when it pops up.
My finger numbness has lessoned and my facial numbness seems to be less severe than it was, although my right eye gets tired easily and looks like it is half closed when I start to fade. The headaches seem to be controlled for the most part, by advil and tylenol, although I am eating them like candy. Some of the lessening symptoms could be a side effect of the steroids, and now that they have probably cleared my system those symptoms may return again temporarily.
The two symptoms which concern me the most are the sudden dizziness I experience and what seems like chronic fatigue. The doc says that these will fade over the next few weeks; they are just residual effects from the radiation and not to worry. Well, a different doctor told me not to worry when he said I had a brain tumor, he words didn’t seem to help me much at that time either.
Between dizziness and tiredness I haven’t been able to update this venue like I had planned… although I originally told my boss I would be back in the office a few days after I got home. I am not sure if I am being overly ambitious in my return to life or just not realistic in the expectations that I have put on my recovery. I am healthy and strong, I really didn’t think I would be laid up for so long!
So, it seems that ultimately I should be able to get back to work this week… my productivity rate has still to be determined. And in case you are wondering right now, yes, I am going to take it easy for a few weeks. Afterall, I don’t want to be laid up for the Christmas party season:)
From Achmed and Me… Life Life!
The first day after surgery, I slept about 15 or 16 hours on and off, probably in 2 to 3 hour stints. As time went on, the sleep time became longer and the time asleep became shorter. Here I am now, realizing once again the hard way that my body is not yet ready for full-steam ahead. I still need 10 to 12 hours of sleep a day, although it seems that my afternoon naps are becoming less required if I sleep in for a bit in the morning.
This past weekend I did everything in my power to try to get myself on a ‘normal’ type of schedule. Friday night I was so bored that I went to a movie with my niece and my sister and her boyfriend… I never go to movies. In fact, the irony was not lost on me that I had spent two weeks lying on couches and beds, watching TV and movies (something that I hardly ever do anyway) and then, my first night out in civilization I went to a movie! It was good to get out of the house but I still wonder what I was thinking. I didn’t even get to see a good blood and guts movie, I saw a movie about a bunch of girls in a roller derby.
Anyway, today my intention had been to go back to work, even if it is only half days for a week or two… I am really starting to lose my mind doing nothing! It seems that between a movie on Friday night, doing odds and ends around the house on Saturday, popping into a friend’s house for a birthday party on Saturday night and going to the cabin for the day, with Mom and Dad on Sunday, I depleted my strength reserves. I went to bed at a half decent hour last night and never hauled my ass out of the rack until almost lunchtime today. And a continuing problem I still have nagging at me from the surgery is that the incisions on the back of my head are not healing as fast as the ones on the front of my head… this is leading to me waking up every morning with a driving headache from the pressure on the wounds while I sleep.
The pressure headache from the halo brace is almost gone, just some reserve tingling on the back of my head and directly on the scars on my forehead. The roaring in my ear has mellowed for the most part. It is still there, and most likely always will be, but the frequency seems to be more constant lately. The burning sensation in my jaw still comes and goes, but it also seems to be lessening and lasting for shorter periods of time when it pops up.
My finger numbness has lessoned and my facial numbness seems to be less severe than it was, although my right eye gets tired easily and looks like it is half closed when I start to fade. The headaches seem to be controlled for the most part, by advil and tylenol, although I am eating them like candy. Some of the lessening symptoms could be a side effect of the steroids, and now that they have probably cleared my system those symptoms may return again temporarily.
The two symptoms which concern me the most are the sudden dizziness I experience and what seems like chronic fatigue. The doc says that these will fade over the next few weeks; they are just residual effects from the radiation and not to worry. Well, a different doctor told me not to worry when he said I had a brain tumor, he words didn’t seem to help me much at that time either.
Between dizziness and tiredness I haven’t been able to update this venue like I had planned… although I originally told my boss I would be back in the office a few days after I got home. I am not sure if I am being overly ambitious in my return to life or just not realistic in the expectations that I have put on my recovery. I am healthy and strong, I really didn’t think I would be laid up for so long!
So, it seems that ultimately I should be able to get back to work this week… my productivity rate has still to be determined. And in case you are wondering right now, yes, I am going to take it easy for a few weeks. Afterall, I don’t want to be laid up for the Christmas party season:)
From Achmed and Me… Life Life!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Achmed Back on The Rock
So, finally I am back here for a brief update on what happened to me last week. Apparently my confidence level in my healing abilities far outweighed the reality of my situation.
I had every desire to keep the blog updates going as I recovered from the nuclear blast, it seems however that my desire to sleep coupled with the biggest headache I have ever even heard of, were at complete odds with my good intentions. Actually, that may be slightly inaccurate... it would be better put to say that my intended desires were over-ruled by my sleep desires!
To make a long, and somewhat foggy, story short, I am starting to feel better today after four days of what I can only describe as the worst possible hangover that you could all collectively imagine. I have been kicked in the crotch and doubled over in so much pain that I almost threw-up and I would choose that again over having four screws drilled into my head while I was awake!
As it turned out, and I already knew this and have NO IDEA how I could have possibly forgotten, I have a tolerance to local atheistic. I found this out the hard way when I was in my early 20s and had to get my wisdom teeth out... I suppose it is possible that the wisdom of this particular knowledge was removed along with the four perfectly healthy, and severely impacted, teeth at the back of my mouth. When the dentist started digging my teeth out, I screamed and almost hit the roof. I can only compare it to some kind of medieval mouth-torture. In the past I have occasionally wondered if the dentist was just too cheap to use enough novocaine and that was the actual problem that day in the chair. After feeling the sensation of knives digging into my skull, I am absolutely sure that I have a resistance to deadening needles and I am now absolutely positive, and in no uncertain terms will I ever forget, this fact about my own personal biology if I ever need any local atheistic again! The recovery may take a little longer, but it beats feeling sharp things dig into you.
Wednesday was painful and uncomfortable, Thursday I fell in and out of consciousness all day and Friday I flew home, in what was one of the worst cross-county travel experiences I have ever had. Saturday and Sunday I mostly slept on and of all day and today I hauled my wounded ass out of the rack at close to lunchtime.
My headaches are improving and I am sleeping for longer, less interrupted periods each day. The swelling from the four incisions is going down and today, for the first time since Wednesday, I have been able to open my eyes completely for extended periods.
Over the next few days I will get the details of the surgery and the trip home here for anyone interested. All I can say about my trip home is... I flew Air Canada! Anyone who does a bit of travel can probably guess a fair bit of my story on that subject.
I cannot express enough gratitude to the surgical team in Winnipeg and to all of you who have kept me on top of your thoughts and prayers over the last while. By all accounts from the doctors, Achmed has been completely blasted and there is no reason for me not to have a full recovery and go on to lead a normal and productive life. I won’t get confirmation of that for 12 months, but I feel positive about it and I am going to be living as if all was normal as soon as my head is no longer feeling like it is in a vice, without the aid of little orange pills.
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
I had every desire to keep the blog updates going as I recovered from the nuclear blast, it seems however that my desire to sleep coupled with the biggest headache I have ever even heard of, were at complete odds with my good intentions. Actually, that may be slightly inaccurate... it would be better put to say that my intended desires were over-ruled by my sleep desires!
To make a long, and somewhat foggy, story short, I am starting to feel better today after four days of what I can only describe as the worst possible hangover that you could all collectively imagine. I have been kicked in the crotch and doubled over in so much pain that I almost threw-up and I would choose that again over having four screws drilled into my head while I was awake!
As it turned out, and I already knew this and have NO IDEA how I could have possibly forgotten, I have a tolerance to local atheistic. I found this out the hard way when I was in my early 20s and had to get my wisdom teeth out... I suppose it is possible that the wisdom of this particular knowledge was removed along with the four perfectly healthy, and severely impacted, teeth at the back of my mouth. When the dentist started digging my teeth out, I screamed and almost hit the roof. I can only compare it to some kind of medieval mouth-torture. In the past I have occasionally wondered if the dentist was just too cheap to use enough novocaine and that was the actual problem that day in the chair. After feeling the sensation of knives digging into my skull, I am absolutely sure that I have a resistance to deadening needles and I am now absolutely positive, and in no uncertain terms will I ever forget, this fact about my own personal biology if I ever need any local atheistic again! The recovery may take a little longer, but it beats feeling sharp things dig into you.
Wednesday was painful and uncomfortable, Thursday I fell in and out of consciousness all day and Friday I flew home, in what was one of the worst cross-county travel experiences I have ever had. Saturday and Sunday I mostly slept on and of all day and today I hauled my wounded ass out of the rack at close to lunchtime.
My headaches are improving and I am sleeping for longer, less interrupted periods each day. The swelling from the four incisions is going down and today, for the first time since Wednesday, I have been able to open my eyes completely for extended periods.
Over the next few days I will get the details of the surgery and the trip home here for anyone interested. All I can say about my trip home is... I flew Air Canada! Anyone who does a bit of travel can probably guess a fair bit of my story on that subject.
I cannot express enough gratitude to the surgical team in Winnipeg and to all of you who have kept me on top of your thoughts and prayers over the last while. By all accounts from the doctors, Achmed has been completely blasted and there is no reason for me not to have a full recovery and go on to lead a normal and productive life. I won’t get confirmation of that for 12 months, but I feel positive about it and I am going to be living as if all was normal as soon as my head is no longer feeling like it is in a vice, without the aid of little orange pills.
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Achmed's Execution, Day Five
This will be really short!
I am out of surgery. Everything went pretty much as well as anyone could have hoped for.
I have the biggest headache that anyone could ever imagine, yet I feel great... sort of.
Details to follow whenever I can see straight, probably tomorrow.
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
I am out of surgery. Everything went pretty much as well as anyone could have hoped for.
I have the biggest headache that anyone could ever imagine, yet I feel great... sort of.
Details to follow whenever I can see straight, probably tomorrow.
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Achmed’s Last Supper, Day Four
When I woke up on Saturday morning, at 5:00am, to fly Achmed’s skinny little ass to Winnipeg, one of my favourite bands was rocking on the radio. The shrill scream of Paul Stanley’s voice said, “I really love you baby, I love what you got…” then the thundering guitar and drums, rattling like a machine gun as the melodic harmonies of the rest of KISS chimed in with, “Love Gun, Love Gun, Love Gun…”. That song has nothing to do with any of this but it has been ringing in my mind since I got out of bed to go to the airport and I kind of found myself in a guitar store today trying, somewhat unsuccessfully, to play it.
Everyone has their method of relaxation, but relaxation is not something that I have ever been very good at. My life is a constant coming and going of work and play and until a few months ago, ‘relaxing’ was something I only did when I was too tired to do something real… so, ultimately relaxing to me was going to sleep, which I always thought was a waste of time. I used to think, if you never had to sleep, imagine all of the things that you could get done!
These days when I need to quiet my mind, I usually pull out a guitar and sit in my living room playing familiar tunes that I don’t have to put much effort into. Today I am in Winnipeg, with no living room and no guitar, so I did the next best thing. I went pretend guitar ‘shopping’. Well, if you have ever been in a music store you already know, when some dude takes a $3000 guitar off the wall to play it loud, he usually hammers out a few radical riffs and tries to impress everyone in the store, then if he doesn’t suitably impress the staff, one of them inevitably takes a guitar out and embarrasses the dude. Well, my guitar chops are certainly not up to par for trying to embarrass or show off, but they are good enough for me to have fun with. Whaling out some Eagles, Blue Rodeo and Johnny Cash didn’t even hit the threat bar of being a ‘musician’ in the guitar store, so when I noticed the looks I was getting, I turned it up with some KISS. But instead of picking a KISS tune that I actually knew, I tried to play the one that has been singing in my head for 4 days… I soon enough went back to Blue Rodeo and turned the amp down.
I didn’t really get the relaxing tunage I was hoping for, particularly now that I had drawn attention to myself, so I never did get to relax with my guitar. I did, however, stumble across a great deal on an Epiphone Dot Studio. It was glossy black instead of the worn cherry that I have been craving for a few years… but you know, it’s on sale, leftover from last year’s stock. If I am not passed out or heaving my guts up on Thursday, I may have to go back there and make an unexpected purchase. Life is way too short to wonder if you should do something, and if this week has not proven it to me, nothing ever will!
So, other than my playing expensive guitars to try to relax today, I also went fabric shopping with Mom. There is very little that I dislike more than shopping, but the truth is that Mom and me had a fun afternoon. We went to the Pancake house and I loaded up on carbs so I could store some energy for tomorrow, and eventually we ended up strolling though the homeless district of Winnipeg at about the same time that all of the vagrants were heading to the shelter. Mom looked at me and said, “I feel like I am at work.” For those of you who don’t know, Mom works at the mental hospital back home! I have been in worse places than that area, however, Mom has not and I found her nervousness a little bit amusing… I really hope that that doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass tomorrow while she is hanging out in a hospital (her second home) and I am literally pinned to a table and a complete bag of nerves. I am just guessing, but I don’t think she will find it any more amusing than I do.
Tomorrow my day will start at 4:30am, with a shower and a sip of water. At 5:15 I will get in the van to go to the hospital and at 6:00 they will stab me with an IV to keep me hydrated and drugged I guess. (If you are in Newfoundland, you can add 2-and-a-half hours to my times). From there on I have no idea how long things will take or what time any of it will actually start, but in order I will get:
1) four needles injected to my head to deaden the skin and nerves;
2) a halo-brace slide down over me;
3) four screws drilled into my skull to hold everything in place;
4) another MRI
5) then I lie down or sit for up to four hours waiting for the attack plan to be put together;
6) then I am laid out on a table and screwed in place so I can’t move;
7) then the surgical team gets the hell out of the room so they do not get hit with nuclear fallout;
8) then they blast me with a reactor, known affectionately as the Gamma Knife!
There is supposed to be valium or addivan in there somewhere… I hope it is before the needles… I hate needles!
Up until a few days ago I was looking at this trip as the end of my journey and I would be on to a new journey. I was wrong. It will be six months before they even know if this blast has worked or not, and a year before it is actually confirmed. In that amount of time things could get worse, or stay the same, or possibly get better. Because of the size and placement of Achmed, traditional surgery is not only going to cause severe side effects (of which I want no part of), but it is also dangerous. If the Gamma Knife fails (Dr. West has a 97% success rate), they will try to blast me again in a few years. We didn’t talk about anything past that.
I can’t even begin to tell you all how grateful I am for the positive energy, text messages, phone calls, e-mails, facebook posts and messages, my very own facebook group that Tina and Lisa set up for me and just general good wishes and concern I have received. I am very lucky for such a large circle of family and friends and I will eventually get back in touch with every one of you!
Tonight I am really hoping to get a good sleep and tomorrow, I really want everyone reading this to send good vibrations my way, I could use every one of them right now.
Thank-you!
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Everyone has their method of relaxation, but relaxation is not something that I have ever been very good at. My life is a constant coming and going of work and play and until a few months ago, ‘relaxing’ was something I only did when I was too tired to do something real… so, ultimately relaxing to me was going to sleep, which I always thought was a waste of time. I used to think, if you never had to sleep, imagine all of the things that you could get done!
These days when I need to quiet my mind, I usually pull out a guitar and sit in my living room playing familiar tunes that I don’t have to put much effort into. Today I am in Winnipeg, with no living room and no guitar, so I did the next best thing. I went pretend guitar ‘shopping’. Well, if you have ever been in a music store you already know, when some dude takes a $3000 guitar off the wall to play it loud, he usually hammers out a few radical riffs and tries to impress everyone in the store, then if he doesn’t suitably impress the staff, one of them inevitably takes a guitar out and embarrasses the dude. Well, my guitar chops are certainly not up to par for trying to embarrass or show off, but they are good enough for me to have fun with. Whaling out some Eagles, Blue Rodeo and Johnny Cash didn’t even hit the threat bar of being a ‘musician’ in the guitar store, so when I noticed the looks I was getting, I turned it up with some KISS. But instead of picking a KISS tune that I actually knew, I tried to play the one that has been singing in my head for 4 days… I soon enough went back to Blue Rodeo and turned the amp down.
I didn’t really get the relaxing tunage I was hoping for, particularly now that I had drawn attention to myself, so I never did get to relax with my guitar. I did, however, stumble across a great deal on an Epiphone Dot Studio. It was glossy black instead of the worn cherry that I have been craving for a few years… but you know, it’s on sale, leftover from last year’s stock. If I am not passed out or heaving my guts up on Thursday, I may have to go back there and make an unexpected purchase. Life is way too short to wonder if you should do something, and if this week has not proven it to me, nothing ever will!
So, other than my playing expensive guitars to try to relax today, I also went fabric shopping with Mom. There is very little that I dislike more than shopping, but the truth is that Mom and me had a fun afternoon. We went to the Pancake house and I loaded up on carbs so I could store some energy for tomorrow, and eventually we ended up strolling though the homeless district of Winnipeg at about the same time that all of the vagrants were heading to the shelter. Mom looked at me and said, “I feel like I am at work.” For those of you who don’t know, Mom works at the mental hospital back home! I have been in worse places than that area, however, Mom has not and I found her nervousness a little bit amusing… I really hope that that doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass tomorrow while she is hanging out in a hospital (her second home) and I am literally pinned to a table and a complete bag of nerves. I am just guessing, but I don’t think she will find it any more amusing than I do.
Tomorrow my day will start at 4:30am, with a shower and a sip of water. At 5:15 I will get in the van to go to the hospital and at 6:00 they will stab me with an IV to keep me hydrated and drugged I guess. (If you are in Newfoundland, you can add 2-and-a-half hours to my times). From there on I have no idea how long things will take or what time any of it will actually start, but in order I will get:
1) four needles injected to my head to deaden the skin and nerves;
2) a halo-brace slide down over me;
3) four screws drilled into my skull to hold everything in place;
4) another MRI
5) then I lie down or sit for up to four hours waiting for the attack plan to be put together;
6) then I am laid out on a table and screwed in place so I can’t move;
7) then the surgical team gets the hell out of the room so they do not get hit with nuclear fallout;
8) then they blast me with a reactor, known affectionately as the Gamma Knife!
There is supposed to be valium or addivan in there somewhere… I hope it is before the needles… I hate needles!
Up until a few days ago I was looking at this trip as the end of my journey and I would be on to a new journey. I was wrong. It will be six months before they even know if this blast has worked or not, and a year before it is actually confirmed. In that amount of time things could get worse, or stay the same, or possibly get better. Because of the size and placement of Achmed, traditional surgery is not only going to cause severe side effects (of which I want no part of), but it is also dangerous. If the Gamma Knife fails (Dr. West has a 97% success rate), they will try to blast me again in a few years. We didn’t talk about anything past that.
I can’t even begin to tell you all how grateful I am for the positive energy, text messages, phone calls, e-mails, facebook posts and messages, my very own facebook group that Tina and Lisa set up for me and just general good wishes and concern I have received. I am very lucky for such a large circle of family and friends and I will eventually get back in touch with every one of you!
Tonight I am really hoping to get a good sleep and tomorrow, I really want everyone reading this to send good vibrations my way, I could use every one of them right now.
Thank-you!
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Achmed’s Meeting With The Surgeon, Day Three
Today started out like so many other days in my life, at 7:30 my phone alarm went off for my weekday ‘get your ass outta bed’ call… apparently I had forgotten to turn it off when I got here.
I spent the first part of the morning moping around the hotel room, kind of nervous, not really able to eat, or think, or really do much of anything, eventually, around 11:00, Mom and I headed over to the hospital to get me checked in with the Neurology Department. A little know fact about my past is that I was once in the army… and I hated every minute of it (that part probably doesn’t surprise very many people). I left the army for two reasons: first, my eyesight was not good enough to get into flight-school, even though I graduated from basic training at almost the top of my class and was accepted to the Officer Training Program. Since I couldn’t fly and wanted to, they decided to train me to be a sniper and put me in the Parrot Troopers… The Airborne Regiment, the same one that was eventually disbanded because of a couple of yahoos in Somalia in the early 90’s. I figured that since there was no sensible or earthly reason to jump out of a perfectly good, mechanically working airplane, this particular career path was probably not the one I wanted to take. The second reason for bailing on a military career was… apparently I ask too many questions. My ability to find a question in pretty much every statement is probably one of the things that makes me good at what I do now, it does, however, makes one a terrible solider!
Anyway, my point was supposed to be that the dude who drove me to the hospital was a retired airborne guy. We spent my whole drive talking about jumps and comparing close calls to tragedy. He found it a little amusing that a guy who turned down a career in parachuting eventually became a recreational jumper who had to pay to jump out of planes. Well, I have always been one to take the long way around to things.
Eventually I got checked in at the Winnipeg Health Science Centre. I have only one thing to say to any Newfoundland Healthcare professionals who may be reading this… customer service, if you can’t figure out what it is, come to Manitoba and go to a hospital! People here are really friendly and people in the healthcare system are not only friendly, they are also HELPFUL! Enough of my ranting, although I am going to recommend to the Health Minister at home that he take a trip out here to see how things could be on the Rock.
So, once I was all squared away, I met with my surgical Team, lead by Dr. Michael West, a tall, relaxed and knowledgeable individual. (I don’t know why, but I am always surprised at how laid back people are who are involved in brain surgery, I know that is probably a good thing, but really, these guys seriously piss icecubes.) After a bunch of introductions and questions and preliminary testes, I saw a picture of Achmed. I now know why my headaches have gotten so bad and have been going on for years and I didn’t really pay attention to them. To put it in Dr. West’s words, “Your tumor is quite large for someone so young.”
Achmed is pushing against my facial nerve, which is causing the numbness; he is growing on my auditory and balance nerve, which are irreparably damaged; and is pushing on my brainstem and reducing the flow of spinal fluid, which is causing numbness in my hand that I always thought was related to a herniated disc I had a few years ago.
Not that I was ever considering any of the alternatives of treatment, other than the Gamma Knife, but after today I have realized that it is the only real treatment that will work, and in another year or two, I may not have even been eligible for it.
Simply, if left alone Achmed “will paralyse me and eventually take my life”, (although Dr. West did say they would intervene before I actually died), because of the location to the nervous system, the relevant nerves and the infiltration in the brain and pressure on the spinal column, tradition surgery is not only an option that will give me a crappy quality of life, but it “would present several unwanted complications, such as: severe nerve damage to your face and balance, complete deafness, potential spinal fluid leakage and paralysis.” Everyone who even knows me a little bit knows that I am not having any of that!
Interestingly enough, I have been telling everyone all along that my balance has not been affected at all by Achmed. Apparently I have been wrong. My body has adapted over the past 10 to 15 years that Achmed has been along for the ride. Oddly enough, if I get some shrinkage of Achmed, and because of his large volume it is quite possible that he may get up to 30% smaller, two side effects are going to happen: the pressure on my facial nerve may be eased and my balance may be partially restored.
In a twisted set of circumstances, if my balance gets partially restored, it is going to screw up my balance until my body readjusts… how’s that for irony?
On the hearing front… my hearing is permanently damaged it is likely to get worse over time, even with a successful Gamma Knife treatment. The roaring in my head is just something that I am going to have to get used to, although it is possible that the fluctuations in my hearing and roaring may stabilize, which would at least give me the opportunity to adapt to whatever level it settles on.
I am not going to be a candidate for any kind of traditional hearing aid, although there is a type of surgically implanted speaker system that I can look into. Simply, they put a microphone in your bad ear and a speaker in your good one, and your good ear picks up the sound on your bad side. Unless I go completely deaf, it is not likely an option I am going to seriously look at.
As I said to Dr. West, “This suck man.”
He nodded and said, “It does suck Kevin, but this treatment is your best option to preserve your quality of life, and that is what is important to you.”
I couldn’t have said that better myself.
Tonight I am taking Mom out to dinner. Tomorrow I am supposed to ‘relax’.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
I spent the first part of the morning moping around the hotel room, kind of nervous, not really able to eat, or think, or really do much of anything, eventually, around 11:00, Mom and I headed over to the hospital to get me checked in with the Neurology Department. A little know fact about my past is that I was once in the army… and I hated every minute of it (that part probably doesn’t surprise very many people). I left the army for two reasons: first, my eyesight was not good enough to get into flight-school, even though I graduated from basic training at almost the top of my class and was accepted to the Officer Training Program. Since I couldn’t fly and wanted to, they decided to train me to be a sniper and put me in the Parrot Troopers… The Airborne Regiment, the same one that was eventually disbanded because of a couple of yahoos in Somalia in the early 90’s. I figured that since there was no sensible or earthly reason to jump out of a perfectly good, mechanically working airplane, this particular career path was probably not the one I wanted to take. The second reason for bailing on a military career was… apparently I ask too many questions. My ability to find a question in pretty much every statement is probably one of the things that makes me good at what I do now, it does, however, makes one a terrible solider!
Anyway, my point was supposed to be that the dude who drove me to the hospital was a retired airborne guy. We spent my whole drive talking about jumps and comparing close calls to tragedy. He found it a little amusing that a guy who turned down a career in parachuting eventually became a recreational jumper who had to pay to jump out of planes. Well, I have always been one to take the long way around to things.
Eventually I got checked in at the Winnipeg Health Science Centre. I have only one thing to say to any Newfoundland Healthcare professionals who may be reading this… customer service, if you can’t figure out what it is, come to Manitoba and go to a hospital! People here are really friendly and people in the healthcare system are not only friendly, they are also HELPFUL! Enough of my ranting, although I am going to recommend to the Health Minister at home that he take a trip out here to see how things could be on the Rock.
So, once I was all squared away, I met with my surgical Team, lead by Dr. Michael West, a tall, relaxed and knowledgeable individual. (I don’t know why, but I am always surprised at how laid back people are who are involved in brain surgery, I know that is probably a good thing, but really, these guys seriously piss icecubes.) After a bunch of introductions and questions and preliminary testes, I saw a picture of Achmed. I now know why my headaches have gotten so bad and have been going on for years and I didn’t really pay attention to them. To put it in Dr. West’s words, “Your tumor is quite large for someone so young.”
Achmed is pushing against my facial nerve, which is causing the numbness; he is growing on my auditory and balance nerve, which are irreparably damaged; and is pushing on my brainstem and reducing the flow of spinal fluid, which is causing numbness in my hand that I always thought was related to a herniated disc I had a few years ago.
Not that I was ever considering any of the alternatives of treatment, other than the Gamma Knife, but after today I have realized that it is the only real treatment that will work, and in another year or two, I may not have even been eligible for it.
Simply, if left alone Achmed “will paralyse me and eventually take my life”, (although Dr. West did say they would intervene before I actually died), because of the location to the nervous system, the relevant nerves and the infiltration in the brain and pressure on the spinal column, tradition surgery is not only an option that will give me a crappy quality of life, but it “would present several unwanted complications, such as: severe nerve damage to your face and balance, complete deafness, potential spinal fluid leakage and paralysis.” Everyone who even knows me a little bit knows that I am not having any of that!
Interestingly enough, I have been telling everyone all along that my balance has not been affected at all by Achmed. Apparently I have been wrong. My body has adapted over the past 10 to 15 years that Achmed has been along for the ride. Oddly enough, if I get some shrinkage of Achmed, and because of his large volume it is quite possible that he may get up to 30% smaller, two side effects are going to happen: the pressure on my facial nerve may be eased and my balance may be partially restored.
In a twisted set of circumstances, if my balance gets partially restored, it is going to screw up my balance until my body readjusts… how’s that for irony?
On the hearing front… my hearing is permanently damaged it is likely to get worse over time, even with a successful Gamma Knife treatment. The roaring in my head is just something that I am going to have to get used to, although it is possible that the fluctuations in my hearing and roaring may stabilize, which would at least give me the opportunity to adapt to whatever level it settles on.
I am not going to be a candidate for any kind of traditional hearing aid, although there is a type of surgically implanted speaker system that I can look into. Simply, they put a microphone in your bad ear and a speaker in your good one, and your good ear picks up the sound on your bad side. Unless I go completely deaf, it is not likely an option I am going to seriously look at.
As I said to Dr. West, “This suck man.”
He nodded and said, “It does suck Kevin, but this treatment is your best option to preserve your quality of life, and that is what is important to you.”
I couldn’t have said that better myself.
Tonight I am taking Mom out to dinner. Tomorrow I am supposed to ‘relax’.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Achmed’s Winnipeg Trip, Day Two
Yesterday was pretty low-key. Slept in until 9:00 and then went to Mass with Mom. The priest there was this charismatic Italian guy from New York who spoke like an enforcer in a mafia street gang. One of my lifelong interests has always been the history of the Mafia, so this accent always makes me pay attention to whatever is being said, no matter what the topic. I gotta say, it sounded really weird to hear a Mafia voice talking about the Church and Christianity instead of prostitution and whacking some rat.
From there Mom and I hit Earl’s, a Western eatery, where I ate many meals as a student in Calgary. Standing on the bar, directly across from my seat was a Kokanee draft tap. Kokanee is a beer made from glacier water and is smooth as silk when you drink it. I haven’t had any since my last trip out west, which was a few years ago. So while I drank my club soda, I stared at a draft tap of one of my favourite beers in the country, unable to have any of it. I think that feeling is what alcoholics must go through when they are jonesing for a drink. I am pretty sure I am not an alcoholic, but I do hate being dictated to on what I can and cannot have in my life.
If you have ever been to Winnipeg, you have probably been to The Forks. It is nothing fancy, just a market in what I think is an old railway station, but everyone here thinks it is the cat’s ass of tourist attractions so we had to go take it in. What can I say about it… they had good coffee and the buskers knew all the words to the songs that they were singing. Then back to the hotel where we watched about a dozen CSI episodes and tried to keep my mind off my hospital trip for today.
I slept pretty well last night, mostly because of the lingering jetlag I think, certainly not because my mind is at ease. Today I go to meet the surgical team and, of course, Tammy… the voice I relate to both terror and hope. Today is also my last chance to back out of this whole thing and go back to NL with Achmed still intact. This doesn’t really seem like an option to me seeing how the nerve damage from real surgery seriously threatens my quality of life.
My cold seems to be getting better as well. This is great news, as sneezing in the tunnel of radiation would mess me up pretty bad… when a gamma ray hits your brain, I think you are pretty much done as far as cognitive abilities go, hopefully I will be able to remain still. Between the halo brace being screwed to my head, and the bed being screwed to the halo brace, and the valium being somehow in my system to make me believe that I am in a big open space instead of a little tiny tunnel, I am hoping that staying still is no problem. I am a little worried about my small bladder though.
So, if you have any free time on Wednesday, I would appreciate some positive vibes being sent to Winnipeg while I am screwed to the table, under the knife. I don’t think that is too much to ask for.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
From there Mom and I hit Earl’s, a Western eatery, where I ate many meals as a student in Calgary. Standing on the bar, directly across from my seat was a Kokanee draft tap. Kokanee is a beer made from glacier water and is smooth as silk when you drink it. I haven’t had any since my last trip out west, which was a few years ago. So while I drank my club soda, I stared at a draft tap of one of my favourite beers in the country, unable to have any of it. I think that feeling is what alcoholics must go through when they are jonesing for a drink. I am pretty sure I am not an alcoholic, but I do hate being dictated to on what I can and cannot have in my life.
If you have ever been to Winnipeg, you have probably been to The Forks. It is nothing fancy, just a market in what I think is an old railway station, but everyone here thinks it is the cat’s ass of tourist attractions so we had to go take it in. What can I say about it… they had good coffee and the buskers knew all the words to the songs that they were singing. Then back to the hotel where we watched about a dozen CSI episodes and tried to keep my mind off my hospital trip for today.
I slept pretty well last night, mostly because of the lingering jetlag I think, certainly not because my mind is at ease. Today I go to meet the surgical team and, of course, Tammy… the voice I relate to both terror and hope. Today is also my last chance to back out of this whole thing and go back to NL with Achmed still intact. This doesn’t really seem like an option to me seeing how the nerve damage from real surgery seriously threatens my quality of life.
My cold seems to be getting better as well. This is great news, as sneezing in the tunnel of radiation would mess me up pretty bad… when a gamma ray hits your brain, I think you are pretty much done as far as cognitive abilities go, hopefully I will be able to remain still. Between the halo brace being screwed to my head, and the bed being screwed to the halo brace, and the valium being somehow in my system to make me believe that I am in a big open space instead of a little tiny tunnel, I am hoping that staying still is no problem. I am a little worried about my small bladder though.
So, if you have any free time on Wednesday, I would appreciate some positive vibes being sent to Winnipeg while I am screwed to the table, under the knife. I don’t think that is too much to ask for.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
