The End of an Era...

As a rule, I hate the thought of wishing time away, but it seems for the third consecutive NY Eve I am looking forward to the fresh start that can come with a new year.

In 2007 I was looking forward to my new life as single guy, recently separated and just finished dividing up all the assets I felt like I had a chance to start over. I used to tell my friends, “40 is the new 30 and now that I am heading into my 30’s again, I am going to do things right this time.” That attitude was short lived. I soon found out that the only way I knew how to be single was to act like a 20-year-old frat boy. There is a huge difference in being 20 and being almost 40… your bank account can support the lifestyle, however your body cannot! Only a couple of months into that year I ended up in counselling and self-imposed rehab to get my head on straight again.

Then I spent a few months renovating the house to sell, which was the only tangible object holding Melanie and me together. When that was sold I spent the next six months renovating my place downtown and living in my parent’s basement… I moved into my new haunt on December 23rd, just in time to ring in the New Year. In 2008, I figured that now I had really put everything behind and was looking forward to the fresh start that can come with a new year.

So, the year of 2009 seemed to be coming along as I had hoped. I had some concert travel planned and I was comfortable in my own skin, playing lots of hockey and lots of guitar. In February the bang that came from nowhere woke the sleeping giant in my head, who we all came to know and love as Achmed. For the first couple of months, I was going through tests for post-concussion syndrome and was figuring that I might have to buy a new helmet to protect my bucket from future bangs... so no big deal.

By the time I hit my birthday on May 23rd, I felt like I was on top of the world. I had started riding a motorcycle again, in my opinion, the concussion I got playing hockey was just a little minor bump in the road and I was onto bigger and better things in all aspect of my life. I had even started to grow a shaggy mop of hair just to feel the wind blow though it again… just because I could. On June 2nd, I go the news that would change not only the rest of my year, but the way I looked at life in general.

By the time the shock of the word “tumor” had worn off, I started to look at things as a new opportunity and a new challenge. Apparently the greater powers in the universe had decided that I needed a wake-up call… that is how I ended up telling the world that life with a brain tumor is not that bad. It’s not that good, there are a lot of shitty parts, but the reality is, things could be so much worse. Over my 40 years, I have spend a lot of time whining about things that I couldn’t change and not enough time working on things that I could.

You might find this funny or probably odd, but I look at Achmed as a gift, not a curse. My eyes are so much more open that they were three years ago, or even one year ago, or six months ago, or for that matter, yesterday. I don’t take life for granted anymore, and I don’t put everything off until someday anymore. One could say that I have been living in a constant state of mental stress for over two years, and honestly, until recently I thought that myself. Now I look at it as I have been living in a constant state of learning for over two years, and my intention is to keep it that way.

So, while I am not one to make New Year’s Resolutions, this year I have decided to make one anyway… actually two. You already know about the charitable fund I am starting up in 2010, and I hope everyone here will support it, I also hope none of you ever need it. I am also going to keep making a conscious effort to pay attention and be aware of what is going on. There will be no more cruise-control for Kevin and Achmed.

Believe it or not, I think that getting a brain tumor is the best thing that has ever happened to me… but I am also glad and grateful to be putting it behind me, and again I am looking forward to the fresh start that can come with a new year.

Happy New Year!

From Achmed and Me… Live Life!

Merry Christmas

It has been a while since I was here so just so you know, I haven't been ignoring everyone, I have just been sleeping… kind of.

In the past three weeks I have had a successful check-up with General Batten and a lengthy conference call with Janis in Winnipeg, and by all accounts from the professionals, I am solidly on the road to recovery. By now, with the exception of the ringing in my ear and the fatigue (though nowhere near what it was a couple of months ago) I am pretty much symptom free… well, except for the hearing loss which has slightly rebounded from the October test but is still worse than it was in April.

The dizziness, loss of balance, numbness, jaw pain and headaches have all basically been irradiated! For me this is good… for Achmed, not so much:) I had every confidence that things would go this way, but I will admit that there were days when I was not so sure, and as positive as I have always stayed, there were certainly dark moments.

Health wise I am hoping that there won’t be too much new news over the next while. My next MRI is on April Fool’s Day… you can infer whatever you like from that. Maybe God has a sense of humour and thought that day would be fitting for me, someone who makes a joke out of pretty much everything.

I will finish the 4 Guys story and the Day of Infamy story, and let you know how my travel reimbursement from the province is going, and keep posting updates related to my progress, but they will be fewer than in the past. I have a new goal for the New Year and I will keep you all posted on the progress of that as well.

As I stated very early in my diagnosis, I am going to win and I am going to have a victory party when I do. Technically speaking, I have not been declared a survivor yet, and won’t be for another year, but as far as I am concerned, I am one now and I am putting my party plans in place. My victory party with also be the inaugural event for my new charitable fund to assist people who have to travel for medical treatment unavailable in their home province… So basically, you are all invited and you will all have to pay to get in. For those of you who are geographically challenged for attendance, we are hoping to have an online donation site set up so you can virtually attend… or at least give us your money:)

There are a lot of details to work out for this project, but based on the support I have been given over the past eight months, I have no doubt that this will be successful and be helping people in tough financial and medical positions in no time.

For now, I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas and enjoy your family and friend time over the holiday season.

2010 is going to be the best year yet!

From Achmed and Me… Merry Christmas and Live Life!

The Slow Deal to Heal...

If all of you know only one thing about me it is probably that I am a pretty active person. Between work, hockey, gym, guitar, seasonal activities and a social life, pretty much the only time I stop is to sleep.

Until a month ago, sleep was something that I did when I was either too tired to do anything else or I knew I had to squeeze in a few hours because tomorrow is going be a big day, it was my relaxation time. Over the past year or two I have learned that you need to make time for relaxing and quieting your mind and over the past month or so I have learned that you need to do the same thing for sleep.

I have been feeling pretty good over the last couple of weeks, particularly over the past few days. Everyday I feel stronger and healthier and closer to returning to myself. Everyday I am greeted with the renewed disappointment that I am only human and sleep is a requirement that is needed to live life. Everyday I feel like I discover all over again that I need 8 to 9 hours sleep just to function. Everyday I seem to find out for the first time again, just how mentally draining the simple task of reading is.

At times I feel like I could jump over the moon. I have been back to the gym for two weeks now and my routine is getting closer to where it was when I went to Winnipeg for the nuclear blast. I have played hockey for the past two Wednesdays, although not well and everyone is giving me a wide berth on the ice, but at least I am on skates again. Physically I feel like I am regaining my life to the point where it was before all this happened to me... mentally is a whole different issue.

I love to read for pleasure and I also do a lot of reading for work. Imagine how frustrating it is for me to realize that reading two pages of something that I am actually really interested in, is enough to put me to sleep. Because of the nature of my job, and the fact that I have been back in the office for a couple of weeks now, I seem to be getting more tired as time goes on instead of more energetic. People keep telling me to take my time and don’t push my recovery, and in general I agree with them, but they are thinking of the physical pressure I put on myself, not the mental. Physically I feel great and would recommend radiation surgery to everyone (ok, not really, but it is not as hard on your body as you might think), but my brain is tired. If I am not in bed asleep by 11:00, I am not able to get out of bed before 10:00 the next morning. That may not matter on a Friday or Saturday, but there are seven day in the week and for five of them I have to completely readjust my lifestyle... at least temporarily.

Some people may think, “you are getting old, time to slow down.” Well, to those of you who honestly believe that, I have one thing to say... Bite Me! If you are healthy, age is an attitude and once my head heals, I don’t plan on sleeping for ten or eleven hours every day.

Today I have to go see Dr. Batten for the first time since I got back from Winnipeg. The last time I saw him he told me I would be able to be right back to all of my usual activities a week after my surgery. I am thinking that neither he, nor any of his patients with this tumor, lives a very active lifestyle.

From Achmed and Me... Live Life!