The End of an Era...

As a rule, I hate the thought of wishing time away, but it seems for the third consecutive NY Eve I am looking forward to the fresh start that can come with a new year.

In 2007 I was looking forward to my new life as single guy, recently separated and just finished dividing up all the assets I felt like I had a chance to start over. I used to tell my friends, “40 is the new 30 and now that I am heading into my 30’s again, I am going to do things right this time.” That attitude was short lived. I soon found out that the only way I knew how to be single was to act like a 20-year-old frat boy. There is a huge difference in being 20 and being almost 40… your bank account can support the lifestyle, however your body cannot! Only a couple of months into that year I ended up in counselling and self-imposed rehab to get my head on straight again.

Then I spent a few months renovating the house to sell, which was the only tangible object holding Melanie and me together. When that was sold I spent the next six months renovating my place downtown and living in my parent’s basement… I moved into my new haunt on December 23rd, just in time to ring in the New Year. In 2008, I figured that now I had really put everything behind and was looking forward to the fresh start that can come with a new year.

So, the year of 2009 seemed to be coming along as I had hoped. I had some concert travel planned and I was comfortable in my own skin, playing lots of hockey and lots of guitar. In February the bang that came from nowhere woke the sleeping giant in my head, who we all came to know and love as Achmed. For the first couple of months, I was going through tests for post-concussion syndrome and was figuring that I might have to buy a new helmet to protect my bucket from future bangs... so no big deal.

By the time I hit my birthday on May 23rd, I felt like I was on top of the world. I had started riding a motorcycle again, in my opinion, the concussion I got playing hockey was just a little minor bump in the road and I was onto bigger and better things in all aspect of my life. I had even started to grow a shaggy mop of hair just to feel the wind blow though it again… just because I could. On June 2nd, I go the news that would change not only the rest of my year, but the way I looked at life in general.

By the time the shock of the word “tumor” had worn off, I started to look at things as a new opportunity and a new challenge. Apparently the greater powers in the universe had decided that I needed a wake-up call… that is how I ended up telling the world that life with a brain tumor is not that bad. It’s not that good, there are a lot of shitty parts, but the reality is, things could be so much worse. Over my 40 years, I have spend a lot of time whining about things that I couldn’t change and not enough time working on things that I could.

You might find this funny or probably odd, but I look at Achmed as a gift, not a curse. My eyes are so much more open that they were three years ago, or even one year ago, or six months ago, or for that matter, yesterday. I don’t take life for granted anymore, and I don’t put everything off until someday anymore. One could say that I have been living in a constant state of mental stress for over two years, and honestly, until recently I thought that myself. Now I look at it as I have been living in a constant state of learning for over two years, and my intention is to keep it that way.

So, while I am not one to make New Year’s Resolutions, this year I have decided to make one anyway… actually two. You already know about the charitable fund I am starting up in 2010, and I hope everyone here will support it, I also hope none of you ever need it. I am also going to keep making a conscious effort to pay attention and be aware of what is going on. There will be no more cruise-control for Kevin and Achmed.

Believe it or not, I think that getting a brain tumor is the best thing that has ever happened to me… but I am also glad and grateful to be putting it behind me, and again I am looking forward to the fresh start that can come with a new year.

Happy New Year!

From Achmed and Me… Live Life!