Sometimes when you can’t plan the things you want, or you can't just automatically say yes to an opportunity that you want to be part of, you can start to feel like you are under a mild form of house arrest. There are lots of reasons other than medical that can elicit these feelings.
For the past few weeks I have been living with my life on hold. Not to say I have been lying on the couch, (although I have spent the occasional date with a couch, and once in a while there is nothing wrong with it) but I have not been unable to plan anything outside of a weekend because the only thing that I really knew about dealing with Achmed was the treatment options and the preparation. I knew things were going to take a couple of months, but on the specific days that I had to have my little buddy at the clinic, or bring him in to visit the Marines, I couldn’t really be on vacation up in the Rockies or out in the middle of nowhere in a canoe.
Those of you who know me can attest, I am a bit restless and value my freedom more than anything. I can deal with schedules no problem, I do for work, hockey and actually lots of things... but scheduling around a schedule that has no known schedule proved to be a bit of a challenge. It left me kind of between depressed and erratically spontaneous. I played with the idea of getting on the cancellation list to get my MRI faster only to find that this particular scenario left me in a bigger limbo of not knowing than if I had a firm date. Toady all my uncertainty for the summer kind of got put to bed.
My MRI is scheduled for July 23. I am going to Halifax to see KISS on July 17 to 20. Being on the cancellation list puts my trip to see the Greatest Band in The World in jeopardy, and I have been told by numerous of you that putting my health treatment on hold to see a concert is about as crazy as chasing jalapeños with tequila on an empty stomach. (Someone could only come up with that analogy if they had actually experienced it... that story is for another day)
Today I had a chat with my head-man’s (General Batten, not to be confused with General Patten) receptionist and she told me he is taking vacation in August and the earliest I could get back in to see him was August 31st! (Since when have doctors been allowed taking time off from the ailing public?) Well, apparently he needs some time off to spend with his family and luckily for him, I am going to allow it because I need to see KISS anyway, so an earlier MRI would be both inconvenient for me and useless for him, since he will be chillin’ on some beach somewhere, chasing jalapeños with tequila, as the picture of my brain and Achmed shows up on his desk
There is still the issue of the U2 concert in September to worry about, but for now I can kind of get on with my life as if all was normal and do the things I was going to do this summer anyway. Having a schedule doesn’t really fix the thought in my head that there is a new little man in my head, however, it does make it easier to live my life knowing that things are moving forward and I haven’t just become a misplaced file in the medical system... it is also nice to know that the minor "house arrest" issue has been temporarily dealt with.
Meanwhile, I am heading out to the cabin for a barn-raising this weekend, so if anyone is bored Saturday... Achmed can only do so much...
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
action shots of "the incident" (the second one)
These pictures were taken a few seconds apart by the looks of things... I have no idea where Greg came sliding in from as I chased the puck into the corner... but as it turned out, that sounding thump of plastic hitting ice again as he took me out at the ankles, has changed my life.
Perhaps I should have stayed on those double bladed skates afterall!
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Monday, June 22, 2009
More of the Big Bang…
Sorry to interrupt Achmed’s tale of discovery with all the possibly uninteresting observations that I am having about everything lately… I don’t know what has gotten into my head...
So, when I left you all sitting on the edge of your office chairs over a week ago, I had just gotten the news that I was going for a CT scan… I should probably fill you in a little on how Floyd and Greg have played such a major role in my life this past winter.
One cold Friday night in February, in a Mount Pearl hockey rink, where there is no hitting and no slap shots, a very gentlemanly game, there was a bit of a pile-up in front of the goalie in my end of the rink. I don’t know what caused it, but I do know there were a few lads on the ice, and one of them was on his knees directly behind me. The fact that someone fell down behind me was not the problem, the fact that Floyd is not a strong skater and lost his balance in front of me was! As Floyd caught his failing struggle with gravity, his fist or elbow caught my face, transferring all of his downward energy to me. This is where the guy on the ice behind me came into the picture… I am a little over 6 feet with my skates on, so that is about how far my head fell before everyone in the rink hears that plastic smack of a helmet hitting the ice. It is one of those sounds that almost makes you stomach sick, because you know damn well that sound always leads to something bad.
As I opened my eyes, there were a couple of guys looking down on me, someone said, “Are you ok?” As I stood up, the string of adjectives that came barrelling out of me about what I thought of Floyd and what I was going to do to him if he came near me again… it is not really for public consumption, in fact I am a little bit embarrassed about it now, but that night… let’s just say I followed through on the threat. Not 5 minutes later, Floyd was carrying the puck up the ice, along the boards, with his head down… directly towards me. Apparently in that instant, I did not care that it was a no-hitting game, and I must have had the look of an axe murderer in my eyes because just before I imprinted Floyd’s body on the boards I heard one of the guys say, “Uh oh… this doesn’t look good…”
Anyway, as I said in an earlier post, sorry Floyd!
So, that was Floyd’s part in the Achmed discovery, Greg’s was not nearly as exciting… which is probably lucky for him because he can’t be more than 120 lbs with his gear on, in fact, I am pretty sure that I can fit him and his gear in my equipment bag.
Floyd’s incident with his elbow to my face was an accident, and truthfully, I did feel kind of bad when I hit him a few minutes later, not bad enough to apologize, which I certainly should have, but bad enough so that the next time something like that happened, I would just let it go… accidents happen (although in fairness to me, that game that probably Floyd, and definately I will never forget, was pretty chippy and I felt like he was at me all night and I was pissed off).
I guess you could say that Floyd’s misfortune was Greg’s fortune, because 8 days later in Torbay, I got my bell rung again… in another accident that I didn’t see coming. In fact, there was an amateur photographer at the game that night and he caught the bang in the head on film… I’ll dig it up and post it!
So, when I left you all sitting on the edge of your office chairs over a week ago, I had just gotten the news that I was going for a CT scan… I should probably fill you in a little on how Floyd and Greg have played such a major role in my life this past winter.
One cold Friday night in February, in a Mount Pearl hockey rink, where there is no hitting and no slap shots, a very gentlemanly game, there was a bit of a pile-up in front of the goalie in my end of the rink. I don’t know what caused it, but I do know there were a few lads on the ice, and one of them was on his knees directly behind me. The fact that someone fell down behind me was not the problem, the fact that Floyd is not a strong skater and lost his balance in front of me was! As Floyd caught his failing struggle with gravity, his fist or elbow caught my face, transferring all of his downward energy to me. This is where the guy on the ice behind me came into the picture… I am a little over 6 feet with my skates on, so that is about how far my head fell before everyone in the rink hears that plastic smack of a helmet hitting the ice. It is one of those sounds that almost makes you stomach sick, because you know damn well that sound always leads to something bad.
As I opened my eyes, there were a couple of guys looking down on me, someone said, “Are you ok?” As I stood up, the string of adjectives that came barrelling out of me about what I thought of Floyd and what I was going to do to him if he came near me again… it is not really for public consumption, in fact I am a little bit embarrassed about it now, but that night… let’s just say I followed through on the threat. Not 5 minutes later, Floyd was carrying the puck up the ice, along the boards, with his head down… directly towards me. Apparently in that instant, I did not care that it was a no-hitting game, and I must have had the look of an axe murderer in my eyes because just before I imprinted Floyd’s body on the boards I heard one of the guys say, “Uh oh… this doesn’t look good…”
Anyway, as I said in an earlier post, sorry Floyd!
So, that was Floyd’s part in the Achmed discovery, Greg’s was not nearly as exciting… which is probably lucky for him because he can’t be more than 120 lbs with his gear on, in fact, I am pretty sure that I can fit him and his gear in my equipment bag.
Floyd’s incident with his elbow to my face was an accident, and truthfully, I did feel kind of bad when I hit him a few minutes later, not bad enough to apologize, which I certainly should have, but bad enough so that the next time something like that happened, I would just let it go… accidents happen (although in fairness to me, that game that probably Floyd, and definately I will never forget, was pretty chippy and I felt like he was at me all night and I was pissed off).
I guess you could say that Floyd’s misfortune was Greg’s fortune, because 8 days later in Torbay, I got my bell rung again… in another accident that I didn’t see coming. In fact, there was an amateur photographer at the game that night and he caught the bang in the head on film… I’ll dig it up and post it!
When Greg’s sliding carcass took me out at the ankles, I dropped like a bag of bricks (poor guy, he ended up under me) and the right side of my head took the brunt of the force… and it hurt. My ears were ringing, my head was pounding and things got blurry. Don’t get me wrong, I finished playing the game, but I was a hurting unit… I don’t think I even had a beer that night. By the time I woke up Sunday morning, I decided I need to see the doctor, because 2 massive slams to the head that were making me deaf, had to be bad for me. That is when I started down my road to the discovery of Achmed.
Interestingly enough, as I have explained this over and over to people, they all have said that getting knocked out was the best thing that ever happened to me. I think they are right… amazing what you can see with hindsight. Last week I had coffee with a friend of mine and she mentioned to me that I must have had angels watching over me to be knocked on my head twice in a week (interesting way for an angel to earn their wings!)
I guess it is a good thing that I went to the doctor after the second smack to the skull… the third bang may have been a truck knocking me over!
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Happy Father’s Day / live outside "The Band"
First day of summer, longest day of the year and the day to honour all the fathers… so to mine, and to the rest of you men out there who have rugrats, large and small, chasing around your coat-tail… Happy Father’s Day! (In the interest of gender equality, Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers; and for those of you who have opted out of the offspring-care programs of life… Happy Individual’s Day to all of you who are childless.) I am quite sure that there is no Individual’s Day, but I know I started this public venting program after Mother’s Day had already past.
I had a computer-free weekend this weekend. Partly because it was way too nice out to be sitting at a desk; partly because it is too hard to read the screen on my computer when I bring it out on a deck; but mostly because it is too easy to let technology control our lives and miss something that we can’t get back… time! The weather here on the tropical island of Newfoundland was indeed tropical this weekend… so, enough said.
Friday night I had dinner with a couple of my buddies; Saturday night I went to a beach fire with a bunch of friends and Sunday I basically hung out with my family. Until recently these were all things that I took for granted, which should really be a no-no in my life. I don’t take a lot for things for granted, like the weather, my job, my ability to travel, the fact that I am an awesome cook… so many things that I appreciate and am grateful for and yet the most important things seem to be things that I assume will always be there.
A wake-up call, in my case a little ball of flesh called Achmed, is something that we all need sometimes to make us realize how fortunate we are or to snap us out of oblivion and stop wasting our opportunity.
My buddy Matt has a very interesting view on how we all grow in our level of potential as we go through life and between the two of us on Friday night; we kind of came up with a theory to explain it… yes there was wine.
Imagine that your life is represented by a horizontal line that goes across the middle of a page and above and below the line are 10 evenly spaced markers that measure levels of incremental learning. Above the line are all the perceived positive things that happen in your life, such as: graduating from school, getting your drivers licence; getting a job; getting married; having children; getting a promotion; travelling to new places; buying a house… etc. Below the line are all the perceived negative things in your life: failing school; getting a speeding ticket; losing your job; getting divorced; discovering a serious illness; the loss of a child; going bankrupt… etc.
It would be fair to say that in both the negative and positive situations of learning, those different things have different impacts on our lives and we learn different lessons from them… or at least if we are paying attention, there are opportunities to learn from them. (Matt is one of my best friends, and we predominately talk about hockey, music and money… I would actually like to see the video replay on this whole conversation)
This line, with a plus or minus 1 or 2 is what we refer to as “The Band”. Not the music band that we always talk about starting and never do, but the band of acceptance and minimal learning that most of us live our lives in… basically, I think of it as Status Quo. I have always been a believer in change, oddly enough, when Achmed joined me for the ride, the last thing I wanted in my life that day was that particular change.
Getting a speeding ticket would obviously be a minus 1, crashing into a telephone pole and ending up in a wheelchair would probably qualify for an 8 or 9 at least! The same type of thinking can be used on the positive side: getting your driver’s licence would be a plus 1, winning the Daytona 500 (including the path to get there) would have to rank pretty high on a list of learning.
So now, assuming that I haven’t lost you yet, look at a specific example. Getting diagnosed with a treatable brain tumour would probably hit around the minus 8 on my scale. Acknowledging the wake-up call and taking on a positive attitude and arranging to take on the challenge in a proactive way would probably be a plus 8. If we stop here, we could probably say that the two situations are happening at the same time, therefore the positive cancels out the negative. That certainly could be true, and if it was, it really would not be all that bad… except by cancelling each other out, you remain in “The Band” and you don’t get anything new from your experience. You are no worse off … however; you are no better off than you were before you had an opportunity to grow.
If we believe that we learn new things from the good things in our lives as well as the bad, this particular place I find myself in right now gives me the chance for exponential learning. For those of you who have been really following along… pick up the piece of paper and roll it into a tube. On the opposite side of the tube from the line that represents our life, the two points (negative 8 and positive 8) of learning meet… giving us (or me specifically) the opportunity to double our (my) learning.
I am not suggesting that everyone needs to go develop a tragedy in their lives in order to learn something new about themselves, I am sure that we will all be tested plenty before the bell rings for last call and we need to check-out; the trick is recognizing the opportunity. If you believe in God, or Budda, or Yahweh, or Allah, or The Source, or A Greater Power, you likely believe that you will not be given more to handle than you are capable of handling. (If you are an Atheist, the fact that you believe in the fact that there is absolutely nothing to believe in… well, I am sure that you get what I am inferring)
That is kind of deep… I am starting to think that I should have studied Quantum Physics!
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
I had a computer-free weekend this weekend. Partly because it was way too nice out to be sitting at a desk; partly because it is too hard to read the screen on my computer when I bring it out on a deck; but mostly because it is too easy to let technology control our lives and miss something that we can’t get back… time! The weather here on the tropical island of Newfoundland was indeed tropical this weekend… so, enough said.
Friday night I had dinner with a couple of my buddies; Saturday night I went to a beach fire with a bunch of friends and Sunday I basically hung out with my family. Until recently these were all things that I took for granted, which should really be a no-no in my life. I don’t take a lot for things for granted, like the weather, my job, my ability to travel, the fact that I am an awesome cook… so many things that I appreciate and am grateful for and yet the most important things seem to be things that I assume will always be there.
A wake-up call, in my case a little ball of flesh called Achmed, is something that we all need sometimes to make us realize how fortunate we are or to snap us out of oblivion and stop wasting our opportunity.
My buddy Matt has a very interesting view on how we all grow in our level of potential as we go through life and between the two of us on Friday night; we kind of came up with a theory to explain it… yes there was wine.
Imagine that your life is represented by a horizontal line that goes across the middle of a page and above and below the line are 10 evenly spaced markers that measure levels of incremental learning. Above the line are all the perceived positive things that happen in your life, such as: graduating from school, getting your drivers licence; getting a job; getting married; having children; getting a promotion; travelling to new places; buying a house… etc. Below the line are all the perceived negative things in your life: failing school; getting a speeding ticket; losing your job; getting divorced; discovering a serious illness; the loss of a child; going bankrupt… etc.
It would be fair to say that in both the negative and positive situations of learning, those different things have different impacts on our lives and we learn different lessons from them… or at least if we are paying attention, there are opportunities to learn from them. (Matt is one of my best friends, and we predominately talk about hockey, music and money… I would actually like to see the video replay on this whole conversation)
This line, with a plus or minus 1 or 2 is what we refer to as “The Band”. Not the music band that we always talk about starting and never do, but the band of acceptance and minimal learning that most of us live our lives in… basically, I think of it as Status Quo. I have always been a believer in change, oddly enough, when Achmed joined me for the ride, the last thing I wanted in my life that day was that particular change.
Getting a speeding ticket would obviously be a minus 1, crashing into a telephone pole and ending up in a wheelchair would probably qualify for an 8 or 9 at least! The same type of thinking can be used on the positive side: getting your driver’s licence would be a plus 1, winning the Daytona 500 (including the path to get there) would have to rank pretty high on a list of learning.
So now, assuming that I haven’t lost you yet, look at a specific example. Getting diagnosed with a treatable brain tumour would probably hit around the minus 8 on my scale. Acknowledging the wake-up call and taking on a positive attitude and arranging to take on the challenge in a proactive way would probably be a plus 8. If we stop here, we could probably say that the two situations are happening at the same time, therefore the positive cancels out the negative. That certainly could be true, and if it was, it really would not be all that bad… except by cancelling each other out, you remain in “The Band” and you don’t get anything new from your experience. You are no worse off … however; you are no better off than you were before you had an opportunity to grow.
If we believe that we learn new things from the good things in our lives as well as the bad, this particular place I find myself in right now gives me the chance for exponential learning. For those of you who have been really following along… pick up the piece of paper and roll it into a tube. On the opposite side of the tube from the line that represents our life, the two points (negative 8 and positive 8) of learning meet… giving us (or me specifically) the opportunity to double our (my) learning.
I am not suggesting that everyone needs to go develop a tragedy in their lives in order to learn something new about themselves, I am sure that we will all be tested plenty before the bell rings for last call and we need to check-out; the trick is recognizing the opportunity. If you believe in God, or Budda, or Yahweh, or Allah, or The Source, or A Greater Power, you likely believe that you will not be given more to handle than you are capable of handling. (If you are an Atheist, the fact that you believe in the fact that there is absolutely nothing to believe in… well, I am sure that you get what I am inferring)
That is kind of deep… I am starting to think that I should have studied Quantum Physics!
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Participaction…
Have you ever just been part of a conversation but not really participated in any meaningful way? My guess is that you have and I can guarantee you that I have. Perhaps my lack of sincerity in the occasional chat has recently heightened my awareness of conversations around me.
If you have been paying attention to my ranting neurosis about Achmed at all over the past couple of weeks, you are most likely aware that I have become much more aware of what is happening everyday in my life and sometimes in the lives of those around me.
When I first got notice that Achmed was developing a strong attachment to me, I had a lot of people to tell… my family, my friends, my work colleagues and people who I deal with on a regular basis. My immediate family heard it from me in person, a small handful of my close friends heard it in person, then a little bit bigger small handful of close friends got personal e-mails or small group e-mails… then a few hundred of you got a mass distributed e-mail that was meant to lighten the mood, because that is kind of how I handle things.
At least two of you who received e-mails thought I was forwarding junk mail or I was joking… yes, seriously. I don’t forward joke e-mails very often, and when I do, the distribution list is selected very carefully based on who I think would appreciate it. Obviously Pius and Kirk (my two friends who shall remain nameless), don’t know my e-mail etiquette as well as I though they did. I must have really been feeling kind of soft-hearted too, because I am sure I could have made both of them feel really bad when they realized I was serious (if you two are reading this and feel bad, I take cash!)… Although Nameless-Pius was quick to point out that if my head wasn’t so big that they may have found Achmed earlier because he would not have had all that space to grow and would have been pushing on my skull quicker… I think it is fair to say that he did not do well in biology! They will both be sitting to my right from now on.
I am starting to wander off my topic here… I had a great conversation yesterday with a lady we will know as Mrs. X. Not because she worked with Fox Mulder and Dana Skully (for you X-Files junkies), but because I would like to protect her privacy and still tell you all about our conversation. Mrs. X’s late husband had the same little Achmed in his head that I have… it was a while ago so it may have been Achmed Sr. or more likely a distant relative. As you are probably already aware, Achmed’s rare appearances have made it very difficult to properly trace his genealogy.
Anyway, Mr. X had the Gamma Ray Modulator up in Winnipeg and had the same General running things down here on the island, which I have. His symptoms were less and his own personal Achmed was smaller, but the point is, the Marines up there zapped his head full of radiation and he lived to tell about it. And not only lived, but you will be happy to hear, or at least I AM happy to hear, he lived a perfectly normal and healthy life after his nuclear reaction with minimal and temporary side-effects. His regular MRIs indicated that his own personal Achmed was not only dead, but shrinking. In the world of Kevin’s Achmed… this is all good news.
You will also be happy to know, or at least I AM happy to know, that Mr. X passed away from natural causes that were not related to his own personal Achmed. That sounds terrible... I am not happy that he passed away at all, I am just happy that he won his battle with his own personal Achmed.
I obviously PARTICIPATED in all three of these conversations. Nameless-Pius and Nameless-Kirk seemingly did not at first… and oddly enough, Mrs. X (who is actually, really nameless here and doesn’t even know me) participated very much. So you never know when something important is going to come into your life, and I figure it is probably best to either participate in what is happening around you or drop it all together and do something that you do want to participate in… life is too short to just meander.
For now, I am heading off to participate in a nap.
From Achmed and Me… Life Life!
If you have been paying attention to my ranting neurosis about Achmed at all over the past couple of weeks, you are most likely aware that I have become much more aware of what is happening everyday in my life and sometimes in the lives of those around me.
When I first got notice that Achmed was developing a strong attachment to me, I had a lot of people to tell… my family, my friends, my work colleagues and people who I deal with on a regular basis. My immediate family heard it from me in person, a small handful of my close friends heard it in person, then a little bit bigger small handful of close friends got personal e-mails or small group e-mails… then a few hundred of you got a mass distributed e-mail that was meant to lighten the mood, because that is kind of how I handle things.
At least two of you who received e-mails thought I was forwarding junk mail or I was joking… yes, seriously. I don’t forward joke e-mails very often, and when I do, the distribution list is selected very carefully based on who I think would appreciate it. Obviously Pius and Kirk (my two friends who shall remain nameless), don’t know my e-mail etiquette as well as I though they did. I must have really been feeling kind of soft-hearted too, because I am sure I could have made both of them feel really bad when they realized I was serious (if you two are reading this and feel bad, I take cash!)… Although Nameless-Pius was quick to point out that if my head wasn’t so big that they may have found Achmed earlier because he would not have had all that space to grow and would have been pushing on my skull quicker… I think it is fair to say that he did not do well in biology! They will both be sitting to my right from now on.
I am starting to wander off my topic here… I had a great conversation yesterday with a lady we will know as Mrs. X. Not because she worked with Fox Mulder and Dana Skully (for you X-Files junkies), but because I would like to protect her privacy and still tell you all about our conversation. Mrs. X’s late husband had the same little Achmed in his head that I have… it was a while ago so it may have been Achmed Sr. or more likely a distant relative. As you are probably already aware, Achmed’s rare appearances have made it very difficult to properly trace his genealogy.
Anyway, Mr. X had the Gamma Ray Modulator up in Winnipeg and had the same General running things down here on the island, which I have. His symptoms were less and his own personal Achmed was smaller, but the point is, the Marines up there zapped his head full of radiation and he lived to tell about it. And not only lived, but you will be happy to hear, or at least I AM happy to hear, he lived a perfectly normal and healthy life after his nuclear reaction with minimal and temporary side-effects. His regular MRIs indicated that his own personal Achmed was not only dead, but shrinking. In the world of Kevin’s Achmed… this is all good news.
You will also be happy to know, or at least I AM happy to know, that Mr. X passed away from natural causes that were not related to his own personal Achmed. That sounds terrible... I am not happy that he passed away at all, I am just happy that he won his battle with his own personal Achmed.
I obviously PARTICIPATED in all three of these conversations. Nameless-Pius and Nameless-Kirk seemingly did not at first… and oddly enough, Mrs. X (who is actually, really nameless here and doesn’t even know me) participated very much. So you never know when something important is going to come into your life, and I figure it is probably best to either participate in what is happening around you or drop it all together and do something that you do want to participate in… life is too short to just meander.
For now, I am heading off to participate in a nap.
From Achmed and Me… Life Life!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Financial Facts
A lot of people have expressed concern to me regarding what kind of financial hit I am going to take in this whole deal. In the early going, it was really the last thing on my mind, and truthfully, if it was going to be something that was going to sink me, or worse, something I just couldn’t put together at all... trust me, in the words of that famous Motown hit, “I ain’t too proud to beg!”
The fact is, that as much as I (and probably every one of you) have complained about our Health Care System... which incidentally I have often referred to as our Sick Care Program (a whole other blog entry in and of itself), we are very fortunate in Canada that once we actually do get tagged as having something wrong with us, we can get fixed in a relatively decent amount of time and our tax dollars (as obscene as they are) foot the bill for the medical expenses. The atomic blast that I have signed Achmed up for costs... are you ready for this?... $17,000.00. Can you imagine what kind of guitar I could buy for $17k? To hell with a new guitar, that kind of money can buy an awfully shiny motorcycle to replace the “classic” one I ride around on now. Anyway, not only do I not have to pay for this, I don’t even have to front the money to the Marines in Winnipeg and get reimbursed by the bureaucrats back home. I have suddenly become a willing taxpayer! On the other hand, if I did have to put that on my VISA, just think about the airmiles I would get.
The Provincial Department of Health will also cover a portion of my transportation and lodging related to the treatment, and a good friend of mine who has an obscene amount of those airmiles, has offered to try to get Mom up to Winnipeg with me when I have to go. All-in-all, I don’t expect this nuclear blast to cost me much more than a nice ski-weekend at Marble Mountain... I am just going to miss out on the skiing... and the good food... and the wine... and the mountains... it is probably a bad analogy. I don’t know if I am going to be a candidate for a hearing aid to fix my listening problem yet, but I am pretty sure I can finance that over a few years anyway. Too bad I spent that extra cash on speeding tickets this year!
As far as my job goes, I have a great boss and work for a great organization (I really hope that she reads this stuff) and I am not too worried about missing a lot of work time that won’t be paid for. Just between sick days and vacation time that I have, I would be really surprised if I lose a single day. Plus, if everything does go completely south, which seems so outside the realm of realistic possibility, I do have a good health plan. I have come to realize over the past few months, while I was going through all of this testing, that being present and being productive are not always things that happen simultaneously. My mind does wander to the “what if” scenarios when I am not busy and just doing paperwork, but the bulk of my job I don’t struggle with at all, in fact, I love it and it is a welcome distraction from Achmed on a less than perfect day.
So, now I drink domestic beer and cheap scotch and I eat whatever cut of meat which happens to be on sale this week... not to mention the 2-for-1 sets of guitar strings that I scored. My motorcycle also burns less gas than my car... yet another reason to ride rather than drive...well, at least as long as the weather is decent.
Maybe this little scare will teach me some better spending habits that I can integrate into my normal life...
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
The fact is, that as much as I (and probably every one of you) have complained about our Health Care System... which incidentally I have often referred to as our Sick Care Program (a whole other blog entry in and of itself), we are very fortunate in Canada that once we actually do get tagged as having something wrong with us, we can get fixed in a relatively decent amount of time and our tax dollars (as obscene as they are) foot the bill for the medical expenses. The atomic blast that I have signed Achmed up for costs... are you ready for this?... $17,000.00. Can you imagine what kind of guitar I could buy for $17k? To hell with a new guitar, that kind of money can buy an awfully shiny motorcycle to replace the “classic” one I ride around on now. Anyway, not only do I not have to pay for this, I don’t even have to front the money to the Marines in Winnipeg and get reimbursed by the bureaucrats back home. I have suddenly become a willing taxpayer! On the other hand, if I did have to put that on my VISA, just think about the airmiles I would get.
The Provincial Department of Health will also cover a portion of my transportation and lodging related to the treatment, and a good friend of mine who has an obscene amount of those airmiles, has offered to try to get Mom up to Winnipeg with me when I have to go. All-in-all, I don’t expect this nuclear blast to cost me much more than a nice ski-weekend at Marble Mountain... I am just going to miss out on the skiing... and the good food... and the wine... and the mountains... it is probably a bad analogy. I don’t know if I am going to be a candidate for a hearing aid to fix my listening problem yet, but I am pretty sure I can finance that over a few years anyway. Too bad I spent that extra cash on speeding tickets this year!
As far as my job goes, I have a great boss and work for a great organization (I really hope that she reads this stuff) and I am not too worried about missing a lot of work time that won’t be paid for. Just between sick days and vacation time that I have, I would be really surprised if I lose a single day. Plus, if everything does go completely south, which seems so outside the realm of realistic possibility, I do have a good health plan. I have come to realize over the past few months, while I was going through all of this testing, that being present and being productive are not always things that happen simultaneously. My mind does wander to the “what if” scenarios when I am not busy and just doing paperwork, but the bulk of my job I don’t struggle with at all, in fact, I love it and it is a welcome distraction from Achmed on a less than perfect day.
So, now I drink domestic beer and cheap scotch and I eat whatever cut of meat which happens to be on sale this week... not to mention the 2-for-1 sets of guitar strings that I scored. My motorcycle also burns less gas than my car... yet another reason to ride rather than drive...well, at least as long as the weather is decent.
Maybe this little scare will teach me some better spending habits that I can integrate into my normal life...
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
oopps... sorry Floyd
To quote Zig Ziglar, "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily."
I read that today and I couldn’t help but find it interesting. Yes, I know, I am supposed to be finishing the “big bang” story, but like I said, I can get to it when I have nothing new to say...lol.
As you can probably imagine, I am learning a lot about energy these days and how it relates not only to our physical health but to our mental well being, and surrounding yourself with people who have a positive outlook on life in general is pretty important to maintaining your own positive outlook.
I can’t even count the number of people who have contacted me and commented on my positive attitude through all of this. As I said to a colleague today, “Having a good prognosis certainly helps in keeping a positive attitude, and besides there wouldn’t be much point in spending my last days being miserable even if my chances of success were slim.” It is the good attitude of those around me and the positive thoughts of those who have contacted me, which keeps me in positive spirits.
A positive attitude is no different than laughter or a negative attitude for that matter... it is contagious. Generally people want to feel good, I know I do and I can tell you on the day they told me about my new little buddy Achmed, I really didn’t. In fact, if it had been raining that day I don’t know how long it would have taken me to snap out of my shock, denial and anger... which are all things that will lead you to a bad attitude. One of the first things that went through my head when I started to realize what was going on... (which was actually not for several hours when it all sunk in) was that I don’t deserve this but I know dozens of people who do, so why me? It was certainly not my finest moment, whishing this on someone else to save me the inconvenience.
So, part of me thanks the weatherman for my rosey outlook on all of this, a lot of me thanks science and their ability to fix me, and a really big part of me thanks Greg and Floyd... the two guys who I don’t really know, I just play hockey with... in fact, anyone who actually witnessed what I did to Floyd after he knocked me on my head and made me pass out, will probably tell you I owe him not only a huge apology, but a massive debt of gratitude and possibly a turkey for Christmas or a case of beer or something. So, if you are reading this Floyd, I am sorry I flattened you after you knocked me over... but that doesn’t mean you get a free smack at me again.
It is sunny in my part of the world today, and I hope that it is in yours too:)
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
I read that today and I couldn’t help but find it interesting. Yes, I know, I am supposed to be finishing the “big bang” story, but like I said, I can get to it when I have nothing new to say...lol.
As you can probably imagine, I am learning a lot about energy these days and how it relates not only to our physical health but to our mental well being, and surrounding yourself with people who have a positive outlook on life in general is pretty important to maintaining your own positive outlook.
I can’t even count the number of people who have contacted me and commented on my positive attitude through all of this. As I said to a colleague today, “Having a good prognosis certainly helps in keeping a positive attitude, and besides there wouldn’t be much point in spending my last days being miserable even if my chances of success were slim.” It is the good attitude of those around me and the positive thoughts of those who have contacted me, which keeps me in positive spirits.
A positive attitude is no different than laughter or a negative attitude for that matter... it is contagious. Generally people want to feel good, I know I do and I can tell you on the day they told me about my new little buddy Achmed, I really didn’t. In fact, if it had been raining that day I don’t know how long it would have taken me to snap out of my shock, denial and anger... which are all things that will lead you to a bad attitude. One of the first things that went through my head when I started to realize what was going on... (which was actually not for several hours when it all sunk in) was that I don’t deserve this but I know dozens of people who do, so why me? It was certainly not my finest moment, whishing this on someone else to save me the inconvenience.
So, part of me thanks the weatherman for my rosey outlook on all of this, a lot of me thanks science and their ability to fix me, and a really big part of me thanks Greg and Floyd... the two guys who I don’t really know, I just play hockey with... in fact, anyone who actually witnessed what I did to Floyd after he knocked me on my head and made me pass out, will probably tell you I owe him not only a huge apology, but a massive debt of gratitude and possibly a turkey for Christmas or a case of beer or something. So, if you are reading this Floyd, I am sorry I flattened you after you knocked me over... but that doesn’t mean you get a free smack at me again.
It is sunny in my part of the world today, and I hope that it is in yours too:)
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The “New” Symptom
I know I am supposed to be finishing my “big bang” story here today, but that can wait until I have nothing new to add…lol.
Yesterday was the first relaxing day I have had since I discovered that Achmed was tagging along for the ride: had Breakfast; checked e-mail; did the blog thing; went to lunch with my parents; ran into Andrew, a hockey buddy of mine who is hooking me up with some meditation stuff (for an active mind like mine, this should be interesting); hit the gym; played my guitar; watched a couple of movies; and hit the rack early… well, early for a Saturday night. I kind of sound like I have no life when I look at it like that, but I actually did have a couple of invitations to do things last night, I just wasn’t feeling particularly social enough to hang out with strangers at the plethora of events that I was invited to… ok, a very small plethora, but still multiple.
Apparently going to bed with a relatively well rested body and a lot of stuff going on in your head (figuratively speaking) makes for a very brief nap, making me tired to begin with so today started off not nearly as fun as yesterday. For starters, I woke up to the phone ringing at 10:30 and it was Melanie (my ex for those of you who don’t know). And contrary to what many people might think and expect about ex-spouses, we have developed (or re-developed I guess) a great friendship and she is one of my biggest supporters and fans. Anyway, the fact that it was her wasn’t the problem, the fact that the first thing I did today was pick-up the phone and speak to an unknown entity was. As many of you know, I am really not a phone person. I have always looked at phones as a tool to arrange actual physical get-togethers. My point is I never had time to become awake before I had to function, and when I started to function I realized that I am in for a bad day… well, still on this side of the dirt, perhaps I should say an uncomfortable day.
One of the symptoms that Achmed causes is Acute Neuralgia. I have had this problem for the past few years… basically it is a continuous shooting pain from the side of your head down your jaw line and into your neck, which can be almost debilitating when it flares up. I have always thought this was related to some tooth problem I might be having, but every time I saw the dentist he would tell me that my teeth are fine. Now I kind of wish it was a tooth problem. Today is my first flare-up since I have known about Achmed. The pain is no worse than it used to be, and I am sure that by tomorrow it will be gone again for a while.
There are two problems (I mean opportunities) with it: 1) it seems to be getting more frequent; 2) and now I actually know what is causing this head throbbing. In the past I have been able to block out the pain because I knew it was temporary and I had things to do, this time I have come to realize that it is not temporary at all and serves as a constant reminder of the little ball in my head we have all come to love and know as Achmed. By all accounts in our research to date, Achmed is going to be with me for life as I am opting for the “management” treatment as opposed to “cure”. I expect that some of the symptoms I currently experience may also be with me for life, although hopefully less severe. On the bright side, it will be a constant reminder to Live Life and not get too caught up in existing that I miss out on living.
There are much worse things in life than occasional reminders to enjoy yourself.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Yesterday was the first relaxing day I have had since I discovered that Achmed was tagging along for the ride: had Breakfast; checked e-mail; did the blog thing; went to lunch with my parents; ran into Andrew, a hockey buddy of mine who is hooking me up with some meditation stuff (for an active mind like mine, this should be interesting); hit the gym; played my guitar; watched a couple of movies; and hit the rack early… well, early for a Saturday night. I kind of sound like I have no life when I look at it like that, but I actually did have a couple of invitations to do things last night, I just wasn’t feeling particularly social enough to hang out with strangers at the plethora of events that I was invited to… ok, a very small plethora, but still multiple.
Apparently going to bed with a relatively well rested body and a lot of stuff going on in your head (figuratively speaking) makes for a very brief nap, making me tired to begin with so today started off not nearly as fun as yesterday. For starters, I woke up to the phone ringing at 10:30 and it was Melanie (my ex for those of you who don’t know). And contrary to what many people might think and expect about ex-spouses, we have developed (or re-developed I guess) a great friendship and she is one of my biggest supporters and fans. Anyway, the fact that it was her wasn’t the problem, the fact that the first thing I did today was pick-up the phone and speak to an unknown entity was. As many of you know, I am really not a phone person. I have always looked at phones as a tool to arrange actual physical get-togethers. My point is I never had time to become awake before I had to function, and when I started to function I realized that I am in for a bad day… well, still on this side of the dirt, perhaps I should say an uncomfortable day.
One of the symptoms that Achmed causes is Acute Neuralgia. I have had this problem for the past few years… basically it is a continuous shooting pain from the side of your head down your jaw line and into your neck, which can be almost debilitating when it flares up. I have always thought this was related to some tooth problem I might be having, but every time I saw the dentist he would tell me that my teeth are fine. Now I kind of wish it was a tooth problem. Today is my first flare-up since I have known about Achmed. The pain is no worse than it used to be, and I am sure that by tomorrow it will be gone again for a while.
There are two problems (I mean opportunities) with it: 1) it seems to be getting more frequent; 2) and now I actually know what is causing this head throbbing. In the past I have been able to block out the pain because I knew it was temporary and I had things to do, this time I have come to realize that it is not temporary at all and serves as a constant reminder of the little ball in my head we have all come to love and know as Achmed. By all accounts in our research to date, Achmed is going to be with me for life as I am opting for the “management” treatment as opposed to “cure”. I expect that some of the symptoms I currently experience may also be with me for life, although hopefully less severe. On the bright side, it will be a constant reminder to Live Life and not get too caught up in existing that I miss out on living.
There are much worse things in life than occasional reminders to enjoy yourself.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The Bang That Woke a Sleeping Giant
I hope that you all enjoyed game seven, as I predicted, it was an awesome game. As I did not predict, my usual food fare for such an event, beer, nachos and wings, was converted into spring water, steamed soy beans and fruit salad… it seems that either Achmed is a health nut or I am Jesus… no, that was water into wine, not the other way around!
I can’t thank you all enough for the support, prayers and positive thoughts that you have shown to me and my family over the past couple of weeks. If the relatively good news that I received the other day from the General is any indication of how all that works, I’d like to ask you all to keep it up. Although I am in a holding pattern right now, I still have a lot to deal with in the not too distant future.
Since I found out that I was carrying a new passenger on my travel though life, one of the main questions that I have been asked is “how did you find out that Achmed was aboard?”, “How bad are your symptoms?”, “Did the numbness in your face finally make you get it checked?”, “Did you feel a lump in your head?” (yes, believe it or not, someone asked me that question)... and let’s not forget Billy’s infamous query… “Why can’t they fix your personality?”
These are all fair questions… well I am not sure if Billy’s is, I may have to re-evaluate hanging out with the guitar guys on Thursday nights. The bottom line is, aside from the loss of hearing, which really could have been linked to dozens of things, including too many concerts, I didn’t even know I had any symptoms and the General says I could probably have lived another 5 years without discovering it. Now, in 5 years time, it would have been big enough for me to consider myself… well, F@(%#D! I have always admired the versatility of that word, and it seems that no matter what context you use it in, everyone knows exactly what you mean.
Like lots of tumours that you have heard about being discovered, Achmed was found out by accident. I got tripped up playing hockey, fell on my head and blacked out. And if that wasn’t enough of a message, 8 days later it happened again. Now, I have been playing hockey for pretty much as long as I can remember… it is part of my identity. I actually don’t remember not being able to skate (I got my first pair of skates for Christmas when I was 2). I have been banged up, knocked over, smacked in the head, twisted my knees, pulled muscles, torn ligaments, broken teeth, my nose, my ribs and my wrist… but I have never actually been knocked out, until that night.
Achmed must have gotten pissed off with the bang to my skull, because I couldn’t hear anything in my right ear for 4 or 5 days after the first smack. Then, as things were improving and the headaches were going away an the hearing was returning, I got bowled over again and landed on the side of my head, right where Achmed hangs out. It seems the universe was trying to send me to the doctor’s office.
Initially the Marines were thinking … maybe post-concussion-syndrome. Those words weren’t exactly comforting, but really… there are a lot worse things than headaches and ear ringing… well, at least I think so now…lol. I went through a series of tests over the next couple of months… hearing tests, nerve tests, and a bunch of things that I can’t pronounce or spell. Ultimately, before they made any decisions, they wanted to do a CT scan because some of my symptoms weren’t exactly matching some of the test results. The big telltale sign was that my hearing impairment was fluctuating, to quote the Marine in charge of that particular mission, “It looks like you have had some audio trauma, although your ‘something’ looks good… there is a slight possibility it could be a tumour, but something, something, something… don’t worry, it is PROBABLY benign. We are going to do a CT scan to take a closer look.”
Now, I certainly appreciate the Marines laying out the facts, and I am glad that they got me into get my head examined by a large radioactive scanner (I feel like I am going to turn into Spiderman by the time this is all over), but really… who teaches these guys how to deliver news?
Anyway, this is getting long and I am heading out to lunch with my folks… I’ll have to finish it tomorrow.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
I can’t thank you all enough for the support, prayers and positive thoughts that you have shown to me and my family over the past couple of weeks. If the relatively good news that I received the other day from the General is any indication of how all that works, I’d like to ask you all to keep it up. Although I am in a holding pattern right now, I still have a lot to deal with in the not too distant future.
Since I found out that I was carrying a new passenger on my travel though life, one of the main questions that I have been asked is “how did you find out that Achmed was aboard?”, “How bad are your symptoms?”, “Did the numbness in your face finally make you get it checked?”, “Did you feel a lump in your head?” (yes, believe it or not, someone asked me that question)... and let’s not forget Billy’s infamous query… “Why can’t they fix your personality?”
These are all fair questions… well I am not sure if Billy’s is, I may have to re-evaluate hanging out with the guitar guys on Thursday nights. The bottom line is, aside from the loss of hearing, which really could have been linked to dozens of things, including too many concerts, I didn’t even know I had any symptoms and the General says I could probably have lived another 5 years without discovering it. Now, in 5 years time, it would have been big enough for me to consider myself… well, F@(%#D! I have always admired the versatility of that word, and it seems that no matter what context you use it in, everyone knows exactly what you mean.
Like lots of tumours that you have heard about being discovered, Achmed was found out by accident. I got tripped up playing hockey, fell on my head and blacked out. And if that wasn’t enough of a message, 8 days later it happened again. Now, I have been playing hockey for pretty much as long as I can remember… it is part of my identity. I actually don’t remember not being able to skate (I got my first pair of skates for Christmas when I was 2). I have been banged up, knocked over, smacked in the head, twisted my knees, pulled muscles, torn ligaments, broken teeth, my nose, my ribs and my wrist… but I have never actually been knocked out, until that night.
Achmed must have gotten pissed off with the bang to my skull, because I couldn’t hear anything in my right ear for 4 or 5 days after the first smack. Then, as things were improving and the headaches were going away an the hearing was returning, I got bowled over again and landed on the side of my head, right where Achmed hangs out. It seems the universe was trying to send me to the doctor’s office.
Initially the Marines were thinking … maybe post-concussion-syndrome. Those words weren’t exactly comforting, but really… there are a lot worse things than headaches and ear ringing… well, at least I think so now…lol. I went through a series of tests over the next couple of months… hearing tests, nerve tests, and a bunch of things that I can’t pronounce or spell. Ultimately, before they made any decisions, they wanted to do a CT scan because some of my symptoms weren’t exactly matching some of the test results. The big telltale sign was that my hearing impairment was fluctuating, to quote the Marine in charge of that particular mission, “It looks like you have had some audio trauma, although your ‘something’ looks good… there is a slight possibility it could be a tumour, but something, something, something… don’t worry, it is PROBABLY benign. We are going to do a CT scan to take a closer look.”
Now, I certainly appreciate the Marines laying out the facts, and I am glad that they got me into get my head examined by a large radioactive scanner (I feel like I am going to turn into Spiderman by the time this is all over), but really… who teaches these guys how to deliver news?
Anyway, this is getting long and I am heading out to lunch with my folks… I’ll have to finish it tomorrow.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Friday, June 12, 2009
Is a bad day really a bad day?
As the saying goes, “a bad day on the golf course beats a good day at the office.”
Today I had to play in a golf tournament (yes, I know, I have a very difficult job) and I can honestly say that it was the absolutely worst weather that I have ever had to chase that little white ball down a grassy field. Notice that I say “worst weather” not worst day, which is what I was thinking at 6:30 this morning on my way to the course.
It was raining, it was cold and if you have ever spent more than a few days on the east coast of Newfoundland, you will know that rain doesn’t really fall here… no the term ‘rain down’ doesn’t really apply because it ‘rains across’ making umbrellas just something else to carry rather than a protective shield from the elements. And when I say cold, I mean bordering on Winnipeg cold and it is mid-June!
The four of us were bitching and complaining about being there in the bad weather and saying that we must be fools to be out in this instead of being in a nice warm office (now, when have you ever heard golfers say they would rather be at work?) Actually, the grass was so wet that at one point I fell off the green while lining up a put… as I was backing up to look at my putting line I slipped on a mud spot and slid down the bank. It’s ok, you can laugh… everyone else did. Now that I think of it, maybe I do have a balance issue after all.
While at the mid-way house getting a coffee and huddled around the BBQ for some heat, the lady working there said how awful it was out and how terrible the weather was and how terrible a day it is and it is just not fair to have to deal with this… etc. And although a couple of hours earlier I had been in perfect mental sync with her thoughts, I said, “you know, any day on this side of the dirt and being able to do what you want is a pretty good day.” She looked up at me and smiled, then I told her, “besides, you have a heater in there what are you whining about,” and I winked are her and grinned.
“You’re absolutely right my luv! I don’t know what I was thinking.” Around here ‘my luv’ is a term of affection for everyone, she wasn’t hitting on me or anything… at least I don’t think so… she could have been my mother.
Anyway, when I hit the mid-way shack again on my way back, she was having that exact same conversation with another gentleman, but she was telling him we have it pretty good, after he complained about the bad weather. This whole exchange has really made me think about what it is that we complain about and how trivial a lot of it is.
So tonight I will enjoy the fact that I can watch GAME SEVEN! As anyone who knows me will tell you, I will be glued to a TV somewhere lifting a couple of pints with a few of the lads and watching, what I expect to be, a great ending to what has been a great playoffs... yes, the Hockey Ones! So what is the point of worrying about the weather anyway… it’s not like I have a TV in the backyard.
Here’s to being on this side of the dirt, and taking advantage of it!
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Today I had to play in a golf tournament (yes, I know, I have a very difficult job) and I can honestly say that it was the absolutely worst weather that I have ever had to chase that little white ball down a grassy field. Notice that I say “worst weather” not worst day, which is what I was thinking at 6:30 this morning on my way to the course.
It was raining, it was cold and if you have ever spent more than a few days on the east coast of Newfoundland, you will know that rain doesn’t really fall here… no the term ‘rain down’ doesn’t really apply because it ‘rains across’ making umbrellas just something else to carry rather than a protective shield from the elements. And when I say cold, I mean bordering on Winnipeg cold and it is mid-June!
The four of us were bitching and complaining about being there in the bad weather and saying that we must be fools to be out in this instead of being in a nice warm office (now, when have you ever heard golfers say they would rather be at work?) Actually, the grass was so wet that at one point I fell off the green while lining up a put… as I was backing up to look at my putting line I slipped on a mud spot and slid down the bank. It’s ok, you can laugh… everyone else did. Now that I think of it, maybe I do have a balance issue after all.
While at the mid-way house getting a coffee and huddled around the BBQ for some heat, the lady working there said how awful it was out and how terrible the weather was and how terrible a day it is and it is just not fair to have to deal with this… etc. And although a couple of hours earlier I had been in perfect mental sync with her thoughts, I said, “you know, any day on this side of the dirt and being able to do what you want is a pretty good day.” She looked up at me and smiled, then I told her, “besides, you have a heater in there what are you whining about,” and I winked are her and grinned.
“You’re absolutely right my luv! I don’t know what I was thinking.” Around here ‘my luv’ is a term of affection for everyone, she wasn’t hitting on me or anything… at least I don’t think so… she could have been my mother.
Anyway, when I hit the mid-way shack again on my way back, she was having that exact same conversation with another gentleman, but she was telling him we have it pretty good, after he complained about the bad weather. This whole exchange has really made me think about what it is that we complain about and how trivial a lot of it is.
So tonight I will enjoy the fact that I can watch GAME SEVEN! As anyone who knows me will tell you, I will be glued to a TV somewhere lifting a couple of pints with a few of the lads and watching, what I expect to be, a great ending to what has been a great playoffs... yes, the Hockey Ones! So what is the point of worrying about the weather anyway… it’s not like I have a TV in the backyard.
Here’s to being on this side of the dirt, and taking advantage of it!
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
There are worse things...
Those of you who have known me for a long time know that I hate going to the gym. in fact, the main reason I do it is because it feels good when I stop. Kind of like beating your head on the wall... the relief of it being over almost seems to make it worthwhile... well, except for the fact that beating your head on the wall doesn't really serve a purpose... unless you are trying to give yourself a concussion so you can discover a tumour, but there are better ways to find out such information... such as falling on the ice and knocking yourself out... but that one is a story for another day.
The gym I go to must be where all the twenty-something female health-nuts in this city go to work up a sweat on the treadmills... which incedentally are located directly in front of the bike machines... my warmup equipment:)
Anyway, to make a long story short, yesterday Achmed had my schedule all screwed up because of the meeting with the General. I usually hit the gym on my way home from the office, around 5ish, sometimes I go at lunchtime... either way, there are always women at my gym and a lot of them are fit and cute... and not much inspires a man to get his physical ass in shape more than a bunch of pretty ladies checking him out (perhaps the threat of brain surgery does though). I am assuming they are checking me out, because I know I am checking them out... so it must work both ways.
So, I got the the gym yesterday around 7:30 (I hope that my boss is reading this so she knows I am not a slacker) because I had stuff to do and business doesn't stop just because Achmed is being a pain in the ass. I did a few streches and got on the bike for a quick 15 minute warmup before hitting the weights... but I just couldn't get into it. Perhaps, I thought, that this whole medical issue thing I have going on is starting to get to me... maybe I was feeling a bit down or something. Then it hit me... I looked around to make sure I wasn't imaging it... THERE WERE NO WOMEN IN THE GYM! I must have hit the men's happy hour or something because aside from the receptionist I checked in with on the way inside, there seemed to be an over abundance of "Y" chromosomes in the place.
After the shock settled, I finished the most uninteresting workout of all time and hit the sauna. As I opened the door I hear the words "good playoffs". So I thought "cool, I'll have a chat with these lads about hockey for 10 minutes and then grab a shower." I probably should have clued in when I saw that they were both about seven feet tall and just kept my mouth shut.
We all chatted, and I am not really sure what I said... but they kind of laughed and said, "Basketball man."
So... a gym trip with no ladies to inspire my workout and an awkward conversation with two almost naked strange men in the sauna. On top of that, I dropped my shampoo in the shower and broke off the cover which ultimately led to me spilling that gooey liquid all over my car and now it smells like some kind of herbal tea bath. I think that Achmed is starting to get into my head!
I can't really complain though... yesterday could have been an aweful lot worse than that.
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
The gym I go to must be where all the twenty-something female health-nuts in this city go to work up a sweat on the treadmills... which incedentally are located directly in front of the bike machines... my warmup equipment:)
Anyway, to make a long story short, yesterday Achmed had my schedule all screwed up because of the meeting with the General. I usually hit the gym on my way home from the office, around 5ish, sometimes I go at lunchtime... either way, there are always women at my gym and a lot of them are fit and cute... and not much inspires a man to get his physical ass in shape more than a bunch of pretty ladies checking him out (perhaps the threat of brain surgery does though). I am assuming they are checking me out, because I know I am checking them out... so it must work both ways.
So, I got the the gym yesterday around 7:30 (I hope that my boss is reading this so she knows I am not a slacker) because I had stuff to do and business doesn't stop just because Achmed is being a pain in the ass. I did a few streches and got on the bike for a quick 15 minute warmup before hitting the weights... but I just couldn't get into it. Perhaps, I thought, that this whole medical issue thing I have going on is starting to get to me... maybe I was feeling a bit down or something. Then it hit me... I looked around to make sure I wasn't imaging it... THERE WERE NO WOMEN IN THE GYM! I must have hit the men's happy hour or something because aside from the receptionist I checked in with on the way inside, there seemed to be an over abundance of "Y" chromosomes in the place.
After the shock settled, I finished the most uninteresting workout of all time and hit the sauna. As I opened the door I hear the words "good playoffs". So I thought "cool, I'll have a chat with these lads about hockey for 10 minutes and then grab a shower." I probably should have clued in when I saw that they were both about seven feet tall and just kept my mouth shut.
We all chatted, and I am not really sure what I said... but they kind of laughed and said, "Basketball man."
So... a gym trip with no ladies to inspire my workout and an awkward conversation with two almost naked strange men in the sauna. On top of that, I dropped my shampoo in the shower and broke off the cover which ultimately led to me spilling that gooey liquid all over my car and now it smells like some kind of herbal tea bath. I think that Achmed is starting to get into my head!
I can't really complain though... yesterday could have been an aweful lot worse than that.
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Very UNbrief medical update
First I must apologize, I had told you all that I would have this update last night, but I never got it finished because I was too bagged form the days events and needed to sleep. I got the best night’s sleep in weeks last night... good thing too, because the weekend is coming up...lol. So here is last night’s post:
I trust that many of you who are following along my journey have already done your daily check-in and seen that things turned out not too bad this afternoon, which is good for Kevin and bad for Achmed! One more infidel will live to tell the story! As promised, I have returned to fill in the details for those of you who need them, and those of you who don’t, read it anyway… by the time I have 100 of these written, they will all be interrelated, kind of like watching Lost, or Heros, or Prison Break… or for you older folks, Dallas or Knots Landing… or for you young folks, actually I have no idea what you watch except for Hannah Montanna, and I don’t believe that is a continuing story.
As you know, last night I received what more or less amounted to no sleep and this morning I ate what more or less amounted to no breakfast. It is a good thing that coffee is a staple food or I may have been suffering from malnutrition all day!
I will try to keep this as briefly detailed as I can… now that is a bigger oxy-moron than jumbo shrimp! First let me put this all in perspective for you. I look at everyone who is following my journey as my own private infantry that protects me from the killer enemy: negativity. My immediate support group are my recon and strategist team and they help me research my options, prepare my forces and plan my attack. The medical team are the Marines who specialize in quick in and out rescue missions and Dr. Batten is the General of the whole operation... pardon the pun. General Batten… not to be mistaken for General Patten… which incidentally is also a great movie! So I guess that makes me the President of my head and Achmed my chief rival for control… my nemesis! I don’t know why this military analogy has come to me. When I was in the army, there is only one thing that I liked about it… quitting and becoming a civilian again!
Now for the news… the consultation with my General today as well as my top Lieutenant in charge of research (Mom), turned out to be very positive, as close to the best case scenario as I could have hoped for. There are really 2 best case scenarios; one is more of a dream, kind of like winning the lottery... but people do win the lottery, and I do have a ticket in this particular one! Basically, I was hoping for this type of dialogue: “We are sorry to waste your time Kevin, but the CT scan has a blemish on it and you are fine, there is no Achmed”, or this, “It is not a tumour at all, you have this extra brain capacity that is unknown to the average human, you are actually extra intelligent!” Unfortunately, like all the rest of my of lotto tickets, neither one of these numbers came up... but I still may have won the TAG number, or at least a free ticket to play again:)
The more realistic best case scenario would be more like Achmed has stopped growing and we are just going to leave him there and watch, just in case he decided to become Active Achmed again. This was also not my news, but the news I did get was a helluva lot better than, “we need to split your skull open right away and dismember Achmed!”
Here are Achmed’s facts:
1) His size, shape and location make me a candidate for the Gamma Ray Modulator (yippee);
2) I need an MRI to monitor his rate of growth before he gets zapped, (the MRI will happen in about 6 weeks), then I have a follow-up strategy meeting with the General to plan the attack;
3) They have reason to believe that he is slow growing and he is definitely NOT CANCER, so there is no rush to get me to WINNIPEG!;
4) I HAVE TO GO TO WINNIPEG?!?!?! That news hit me like another smack in the head. Have you ever been to Winnipeg? In the summer the flies are big enough to carry you away, in the winter the cold can freeze the balls off a brass monkey, and as a human I am made up of 70% water:-\
So as you see, my prognosis is pretty good, and I will have more information here in the coming days and weeks.
Join the Infantry against Achmed! (be a follower of kpomroy.blogspot.com)
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
I trust that many of you who are following along my journey have already done your daily check-in and seen that things turned out not too bad this afternoon, which is good for Kevin and bad for Achmed! One more infidel will live to tell the story! As promised, I have returned to fill in the details for those of you who need them, and those of you who don’t, read it anyway… by the time I have 100 of these written, they will all be interrelated, kind of like watching Lost, or Heros, or Prison Break… or for you older folks, Dallas or Knots Landing… or for you young folks, actually I have no idea what you watch except for Hannah Montanna, and I don’t believe that is a continuing story.
As you know, last night I received what more or less amounted to no sleep and this morning I ate what more or less amounted to no breakfast. It is a good thing that coffee is a staple food or I may have been suffering from malnutrition all day!
I will try to keep this as briefly detailed as I can… now that is a bigger oxy-moron than jumbo shrimp! First let me put this all in perspective for you. I look at everyone who is following my journey as my own private infantry that protects me from the killer enemy: negativity. My immediate support group are my recon and strategist team and they help me research my options, prepare my forces and plan my attack. The medical team are the Marines who specialize in quick in and out rescue missions and Dr. Batten is the General of the whole operation... pardon the pun. General Batten… not to be mistaken for General Patten… which incidentally is also a great movie! So I guess that makes me the President of my head and Achmed my chief rival for control… my nemesis! I don’t know why this military analogy has come to me. When I was in the army, there is only one thing that I liked about it… quitting and becoming a civilian again!
Now for the news… the consultation with my General today as well as my top Lieutenant in charge of research (Mom), turned out to be very positive, as close to the best case scenario as I could have hoped for. There are really 2 best case scenarios; one is more of a dream, kind of like winning the lottery... but people do win the lottery, and I do have a ticket in this particular one! Basically, I was hoping for this type of dialogue: “We are sorry to waste your time Kevin, but the CT scan has a blemish on it and you are fine, there is no Achmed”, or this, “It is not a tumour at all, you have this extra brain capacity that is unknown to the average human, you are actually extra intelligent!” Unfortunately, like all the rest of my of lotto tickets, neither one of these numbers came up... but I still may have won the TAG number, or at least a free ticket to play again:)
The more realistic best case scenario would be more like Achmed has stopped growing and we are just going to leave him there and watch, just in case he decided to become Active Achmed again. This was also not my news, but the news I did get was a helluva lot better than, “we need to split your skull open right away and dismember Achmed!”
Here are Achmed’s facts:
1) His size, shape and location make me a candidate for the Gamma Ray Modulator (yippee);
2) I need an MRI to monitor his rate of growth before he gets zapped, (the MRI will happen in about 6 weeks), then I have a follow-up strategy meeting with the General to plan the attack;
3) They have reason to believe that he is slow growing and he is definitely NOT CANCER, so there is no rush to get me to WINNIPEG!;
4) I HAVE TO GO TO WINNIPEG?!?!?! That news hit me like another smack in the head. Have you ever been to Winnipeg? In the summer the flies are big enough to carry you away, in the winter the cold can freeze the balls off a brass monkey, and as a human I am made up of 70% water:-\
So as you see, my prognosis is pretty good, and I will have more information here in the coming days and weeks.
Join the Infantry against Achmed! (be a follower of kpomroy.blogspot.com)
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Very brief medical update
Hello everyone, this is going to be quick, but I promise to fill in some of the blanks this evening, so check back.
I probably could have been on here a little bit earlier, but I needed to grab a sandwhich and my way to the office, then as I was passing the music store, I remembered that I needed some strings, then I swung by Starbuck's and grabbed a coffee to wash down the sandwhich... I realize that none of you really need or want these details, but I just wanted you all to be sure that I have not been ignoring the 12 text messages; the half a dozen phone calls; or the 40 or 50 emails, not to mention facebook posts and messages. I like and appreciate being thought of and I will get back to all of you, but first, a quick summary of the day...
To say that the last 24 hours were a little bit stressful for me might be like saying that World War 2 was a minor political disagreement. That being said, I feel that a lot of the strain of the past few weeks has been lifted off my shoulders as I get settled in for the homestretch of this emotional rollercoaster ride.
The news today was generally positive and good, in fact I think it might be fair to say that if I had expected it to be all that much better, I may have been thinking in unrealistic terms. I am not technically out of the woods, and some things are going to evolve a little differently that I had planned or expected, but I can see a clearing up ahead, and although it may be a little farther off than I thought, it is definately there.
I will post the details later this evening.
From Achmed and Me... Life Live!
I probably could have been on here a little bit earlier, but I needed to grab a sandwhich and my way to the office, then as I was passing the music store, I remembered that I needed some strings, then I swung by Starbuck's and grabbed a coffee to wash down the sandwhich... I realize that none of you really need or want these details, but I just wanted you all to be sure that I have not been ignoring the 12 text messages; the half a dozen phone calls; or the 40 or 50 emails, not to mention facebook posts and messages. I like and appreciate being thought of and I will get back to all of you, but first, a quick summary of the day...
To say that the last 24 hours were a little bit stressful for me might be like saying that World War 2 was a minor political disagreement. That being said, I feel that a lot of the strain of the past few weeks has been lifted off my shoulders as I get settled in for the homestretch of this emotional rollercoaster ride.
The news today was generally positive and good, in fact I think it might be fair to say that if I had expected it to be all that much better, I may have been thinking in unrealistic terms. I am not technically out of the woods, and some things are going to evolve a little differently that I had planned or expected, but I can see a clearing up ahead, and although it may be a little farther off than I thought, it is definately there.
I will post the details later this evening.
From Achmed and Me... Life Live!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Achmed Options
As I lie in bed, completely awake and not able to sleep, with a stomach rolling like a tsunami and my head pounding like a jack-hammer, I am starting to accept the fact that I may not get very much sleep tonight. My meeting with the head, head-man is tomorrow at 12:30. I am wondering if I am facing the best case scenerio or the worst or more likely somewhere in the vast middle. On one hand, I will know exactly where I stand and will begin my course of treatment, and I think that is a good thing, on the other hand, my life as I have known it will end tomorrow afternoon, for better or worse. Either way I am expecting things to look a lot different for me this time tomorrow. All this thinking is calling for a scotch... I'll be right back.
Ok, are you still there?
My life-long dream to see KISS in concert will probably be interrupted, or maybe it will be my trip to see U2... maybe both, maybe neither. Maybe I have played my last game of hockey, or maybe I will be better at that game after this is all over... well, anytning is possible right:) One thing I do know is that my cognitive abilities and personality won't be affected, just possibly my motor skills. My buddy Billy thinks it is too bad that Achmed can't fix my personality... I think he was kidding!
A lot of you have asked me what my options are over the past week. All I can tell you is that there are five options for treatment, of which only one has been ruled out so far. Realize that these are not necessarily Achmed’s options, but options for this particular tumor in general.
1) Wait and See. This option is generally used as a monitoring procedure to see how aggressive Achmed is or if the patient is expected to expire before Achmed kills them anyway. It is primarily used in the case of baby Achmeds or older patients. Achmed is not small and I am not old, so this is the “fantasy option” as I refer to it as.
2) Brain Surgery. This is the layman’s term for it, I don’t use medicalese when trying to explain this stuff. Mostly because I don’t understand much of it, but also because these days I understand more of it than a lot of people so it would just look like I am pretending to be smart! The brain surgery option is exactly what it sounds like, they cut your head open and suck out the golfball, fill the hole with abdomen fat (which in itself may help with the love handles) and screw your head back together. It is probably a bit more complicated than I make it sound, but that is all you really need to know unless you are the one doing the slicing. The side effects of this procedure can be anywhere from moderate to severe, including facial paralysis, complete loss of hearing, extreme vertigo and dizziness... and each of those effects have their own side effects. This is the only known cure for Achmed and the reoccurrence of future Achmeds after this procedure is virtually zero. I use the word “cure” very loosely here, as you can see it has a very high impact on the patient’s quality of life. I have pretty much ruled out this treatment myself, even before I have met with the head-man, Dr. Tony Batten, for this head-problem.
The next three options come under “management” rather than “cure” as far as the medical professionals (Marines) are concerned.
3) Low-dose Radiation. I have not done a lot of research on this option, simply because it is unlikely to be an option for me. To simplify things even a step further, this is basically the type of radiation that you hear about in cancer treatment. In this case it is primarily used if an Achmed is too big to treat in other ways. As far as I know right now, Achmed is not classed as “large” and is in not cancerous, so this option does not seem to be in Achmed’s legitimate list of treatments.
4) Micorsurgical Resection. That even sounds scary, and if you have an imagination you probably already know what I am about to describe. To me it sounds like I am going to look like Jack Nicholson’s portrayal of McMurphy after his lobotomy in “One Flew Over the Coo Coo’s Nest” , which incidentally, I thought was a great movie.
Basically, the Marines crack your skull open and cut out a portion of Achmed to make him smaller, I guess to cripple him...like blowing off his legs with a land-mine so he can’t run away from his beating that the nuclear Marines have waiting for him back at the base... in this case, the radiation room. Once the patient heals from the surgery, the head gets an atomic blast to kill the remaining part of Achmed. Of course you are all thinking right now, why not just cut the whole thing out and be done with it? Well my friends that is an excellent question, one which oddly enough, I have the answer to. The marines leave small pieces of Achmed intact around the nerves that he is growing on to minimize the long-term nerve damage to the three main symptoms, hearing, balance and facial control. So basically, this form of treatment leaves you with slicing off the side of your head, radiation poisoning, and long-term side effects that are not as bad as the full dose of brain surgery. It affects the quality of life, but rehab can help with a lot of it. This is one of the paths of destruction that I have to consider, albeit, not my first choice.
5) Stereotactic Radiosurgery. Some of you who I have spoken with recently may know this as Gamma Knife Surgery. This is the option that Achmed and I are hoping for and I believe it is the one which we are a candidate for. It has the least drastic long-term side effects, shortest recovery time and has approximately a 95% success rate, depending on which study you read. So, if Achmed is still small enough for this proceedure, I am one lucky man and he is one dead brain tumor.
The actual "surgery" is kind of like fake surgery... the marines don't actually cut you open... noooooooooooooo, that would be too easy. They do an MRI to get the exact coordinates for the blast, so there is as little collateral damage as possible, you know.. to your grey matter... just in case you feel like you may want to think agian after it is over; then they screw a steel frame into your skull so you can't move; then they slide you into a 40,000 pound tunnel that is much like a lead coffin, this mountain of lead is to protect everyone in the room from radiation, so Achmed will be screwed because he will be inside the coffin... unfortunately, so will I:-\ ; then they blast Achmed with gamma rays, and if you have ever watched the Flintstones and are familiar with The Great Gazoo, you know all too well the mass destruction of the Gamma Ray Modulator! Then the patient throws up for a while and goes home. It all sounds so simple and can be done in one day.
From all of the studies that I have read, even though the side effects can sometimes be severe with this treatment, they are generally less severe than the other treatments and are usually temporary and last anywhere from a few weeks to several months. On the bright side, at maximum, a year from now I will be normal... or at least as normal as I am now. On the negative side... if the Gamma Ray Modulator doesn't work, statistics show that the side effects from the real brain surgery can be much worse than trying to remove a pre-nuclear Achmed.
Hmmm... no wonder I can't sleep
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Ok, are you still there?
My life-long dream to see KISS in concert will probably be interrupted, or maybe it will be my trip to see U2... maybe both, maybe neither. Maybe I have played my last game of hockey, or maybe I will be better at that game after this is all over... well, anytning is possible right:) One thing I do know is that my cognitive abilities and personality won't be affected, just possibly my motor skills. My buddy Billy thinks it is too bad that Achmed can't fix my personality... I think he was kidding!
A lot of you have asked me what my options are over the past week. All I can tell you is that there are five options for treatment, of which only one has been ruled out so far. Realize that these are not necessarily Achmed’s options, but options for this particular tumor in general.
1) Wait and See. This option is generally used as a monitoring procedure to see how aggressive Achmed is or if the patient is expected to expire before Achmed kills them anyway. It is primarily used in the case of baby Achmeds or older patients. Achmed is not small and I am not old, so this is the “fantasy option” as I refer to it as.
2) Brain Surgery. This is the layman’s term for it, I don’t use medicalese when trying to explain this stuff. Mostly because I don’t understand much of it, but also because these days I understand more of it than a lot of people so it would just look like I am pretending to be smart! The brain surgery option is exactly what it sounds like, they cut your head open and suck out the golfball, fill the hole with abdomen fat (which in itself may help with the love handles) and screw your head back together. It is probably a bit more complicated than I make it sound, but that is all you really need to know unless you are the one doing the slicing. The side effects of this procedure can be anywhere from moderate to severe, including facial paralysis, complete loss of hearing, extreme vertigo and dizziness... and each of those effects have their own side effects. This is the only known cure for Achmed and the reoccurrence of future Achmeds after this procedure is virtually zero. I use the word “cure” very loosely here, as you can see it has a very high impact on the patient’s quality of life. I have pretty much ruled out this treatment myself, even before I have met with the head-man, Dr. Tony Batten, for this head-problem.
The next three options come under “management” rather than “cure” as far as the medical professionals (Marines) are concerned.
3) Low-dose Radiation. I have not done a lot of research on this option, simply because it is unlikely to be an option for me. To simplify things even a step further, this is basically the type of radiation that you hear about in cancer treatment. In this case it is primarily used if an Achmed is too big to treat in other ways. As far as I know right now, Achmed is not classed as “large” and is in not cancerous, so this option does not seem to be in Achmed’s legitimate list of treatments.
4) Micorsurgical Resection. That even sounds scary, and if you have an imagination you probably already know what I am about to describe. To me it sounds like I am going to look like Jack Nicholson’s portrayal of McMurphy after his lobotomy in “One Flew Over the Coo Coo’s Nest” , which incidentally, I thought was a great movie.
Basically, the Marines crack your skull open and cut out a portion of Achmed to make him smaller, I guess to cripple him...like blowing off his legs with a land-mine so he can’t run away from his beating that the nuclear Marines have waiting for him back at the base... in this case, the radiation room. Once the patient heals from the surgery, the head gets an atomic blast to kill the remaining part of Achmed. Of course you are all thinking right now, why not just cut the whole thing out and be done with it? Well my friends that is an excellent question, one which oddly enough, I have the answer to. The marines leave small pieces of Achmed intact around the nerves that he is growing on to minimize the long-term nerve damage to the three main symptoms, hearing, balance and facial control. So basically, this form of treatment leaves you with slicing off the side of your head, radiation poisoning, and long-term side effects that are not as bad as the full dose of brain surgery. It affects the quality of life, but rehab can help with a lot of it. This is one of the paths of destruction that I have to consider, albeit, not my first choice.
5) Stereotactic Radiosurgery. Some of you who I have spoken with recently may know this as Gamma Knife Surgery. This is the option that Achmed and I are hoping for and I believe it is the one which we are a candidate for. It has the least drastic long-term side effects, shortest recovery time and has approximately a 95% success rate, depending on which study you read. So, if Achmed is still small enough for this proceedure, I am one lucky man and he is one dead brain tumor.
The actual "surgery" is kind of like fake surgery... the marines don't actually cut you open... noooooooooooooo, that would be too easy. They do an MRI to get the exact coordinates for the blast, so there is as little collateral damage as possible, you know.. to your grey matter... just in case you feel like you may want to think agian after it is over; then they screw a steel frame into your skull so you can't move; then they slide you into a 40,000 pound tunnel that is much like a lead coffin, this mountain of lead is to protect everyone in the room from radiation, so Achmed will be screwed because he will be inside the coffin... unfortunately, so will I:-\ ; then they blast Achmed with gamma rays, and if you have ever watched the Flintstones and are familiar with The Great Gazoo, you know all too well the mass destruction of the Gamma Ray Modulator! Then the patient throws up for a while and goes home. It all sounds so simple and can be done in one day.
From all of the studies that I have read, even though the side effects can sometimes be severe with this treatment, they are generally less severe than the other treatments and are usually temporary and last anywhere from a few weeks to several months. On the bright side, at maximum, a year from now I will be normal... or at least as normal as I am now. On the negative side... if the Gamma Ray Modulator doesn't work, statistics show that the side effects from the real brain surgery can be much worse than trying to remove a pre-nuclear Achmed.
Hmmm... no wonder I can't sleep
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Today
So, this morning I actually paid attention to what I was thinking when I woke up... “I wish that damn cat would stop licking my face!” Seriously, Mikey (my cat) drives me nuts at feeding time! Who needs an alarm clock when you live with the most highly food-motivated being on the planet!
But after I fed the cat and put the coffee on I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. There it was ... a big mop of shaggy hair that I haven’t cut since Christmas. I have had what is basically a military cut now for the better part of 15 years; lots of my friends here don’t even know me with longer hair until now. That is when it hit me... finally, after all this time and I can finally feel the wind blow my hair around again and now I am probably going to have to shave it all off. How’s that for shallow? I am potentially facing serious balance, hearing and facial control issues and I am worried about my hair.... seriously, what am I... 15?!?!?! Well, as I would say to anyone who gave me that shallow attitude, I looked in the mirror and said, “Suck it up princess, most people with brain tumors would give up their hair in a second to get rid of it!”
I have a friend who is right now going through a breast cancer scare (here I go with the breasts again) and she could use some of your positive energy. And do you know what is great about positive energy (and I am almost sure that one of you engineers is going to correct me)... it doesn’t run out. You don’t need to refocus positive energy, you just need to let it out there and everyone around you will pick it up. I told her that she doesn’t have cancer, she is just getting a wakeup call from the universe to start living the life she is meant to and wants to live. Next summer when my balance is fixed, and her breasts are fixed (now I am sure that is coming out wrong because there is nothing wrong with her breasts... and now I know that THAT came out wrong) we will be going out for a motorcycle ride.
Another friend of mine sent me an absolutely inspiring poem today, one which I would love to take credit for, but, well, that would just be dishonest, but whoever wrote it... they hit the nail on the head.
Today
Today, I will delete from my journal two days: yesterday and tomorrow
Yesterday was to learn from and tomorrow...well that will be the consequence
of what I can’t do today.
Today, I will face life with the sure knowledge that this day will never return.
Today, is the last opportunity I have to live intensely, as no one can assure me that I will see tomorrow's sunrise.
Today, I will be brave enough not to let any opportunity pass me by, my only alternative is to succeed.
Today, I will invest my most valuable resource: my time in the most transcendental work: my life...
Today, I will spend each minute passionately, to make today a different and unique day in my life.
Today, I will defy every obstacle that appears on my way, trusting I will succeed.
Today, I will resist pessimism, and will conquer the world with a smile and a positive attitude of always expecting the best.
Today, I will make of every ordinary task a sublime expression,
Today, I will have my feet on the ground understanding reality and the stars' gaze, and thus will invent my future.
Today, I will take the time to be happy and will leave my footprints and my presence in the hearts of others, not just in the sands of time.
Today, I invite you to begin a new season where we can dream that everything we undertake is possible and we fulfill that dream, with joy and dignity.
Today, why not perform a random act of kindness...?
And, if there are those that you love, tell them, you don't know when it might be your last opportunity. Tell them, as I have just done...today
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
But after I fed the cat and put the coffee on I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. There it was ... a big mop of shaggy hair that I haven’t cut since Christmas. I have had what is basically a military cut now for the better part of 15 years; lots of my friends here don’t even know me with longer hair until now. That is when it hit me... finally, after all this time and I can finally feel the wind blow my hair around again and now I am probably going to have to shave it all off. How’s that for shallow? I am potentially facing serious balance, hearing and facial control issues and I am worried about my hair.... seriously, what am I... 15?!?!?! Well, as I would say to anyone who gave me that shallow attitude, I looked in the mirror and said, “Suck it up princess, most people with brain tumors would give up their hair in a second to get rid of it!”
I have a friend who is right now going through a breast cancer scare (here I go with the breasts again) and she could use some of your positive energy. And do you know what is great about positive energy (and I am almost sure that one of you engineers is going to correct me)... it doesn’t run out. You don’t need to refocus positive energy, you just need to let it out there and everyone around you will pick it up. I told her that she doesn’t have cancer, she is just getting a wakeup call from the universe to start living the life she is meant to and wants to live. Next summer when my balance is fixed, and her breasts are fixed (now I am sure that is coming out wrong because there is nothing wrong with her breasts... and now I know that THAT came out wrong) we will be going out for a motorcycle ride.
Another friend of mine sent me an absolutely inspiring poem today, one which I would love to take credit for, but, well, that would just be dishonest, but whoever wrote it... they hit the nail on the head.
Today
Today, I will delete from my journal two days: yesterday and tomorrow
Yesterday was to learn from and tomorrow...well that will be the consequence
of what I can’t do today.
Today, I will face life with the sure knowledge that this day will never return.
Today, is the last opportunity I have to live intensely, as no one can assure me that I will see tomorrow's sunrise.
Today, I will be brave enough not to let any opportunity pass me by, my only alternative is to succeed.
Today, I will invest my most valuable resource: my time in the most transcendental work: my life...
Today, I will spend each minute passionately, to make today a different and unique day in my life.
Today, I will defy every obstacle that appears on my way, trusting I will succeed.
Today, I will resist pessimism, and will conquer the world with a smile and a positive attitude of always expecting the best.
Today, I will make of every ordinary task a sublime expression,
Today, I will have my feet on the ground understanding reality and the stars' gaze, and thus will invent my future.
Today, I will take the time to be happy and will leave my footprints and my presence in the hearts of others, not just in the sands of time.
Today, I invite you to begin a new season where we can dream that everything we undertake is possible and we fulfill that dream, with joy and dignity.
Today, why not perform a random act of kindness...?
And, if there are those that you love, tell them, you don't know when it might be your last opportunity. Tell them, as I have just done...today
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Pre-rehab rehab
Even before I found out I had a new companion travelling with me, I have been on a bit of a health kick trying to relive my youth or something. I am not sure if it was turning 40, my divorce or the violent hangovers that seem to come with increasing age, but for whatever the reason, I have been on a path of better physical, mental and spiritual health for about a year now. On this path I have met some wonderful people who have become important in my life and now have become significant players in Achmed’s life as well.
It is funny how the world works, I met Carl and Amanda (not a couple and two separate things) and they became clients of mine and now I am clients of theirs. Carl is a 52 year-old teenager, so right away I liked him, even before I knew what he did. Among other things, Carl is a personal trainer, www.carlgeorge.ca, and he has me on some kind of weight program to increase my athleticism, strengthen my core and improve my bendiness. We have been working together for a couple of weeks now, and aside from him making me lift things when I am about to collapse (when I am about to quit at 100 lbs, he makes it 90, then when I am ready to stop he makes it 80… at the rate he is going I won’t be able to lift a pen up to write in a few more weeks), Carl has one of the most positive attitudes of anyone I know and you can’t help but see the bright side of things when you are around him. His goal is to make me strong enough to handle the atomic bomb I am expecting soon and to make sure that if my balance gets shot to hell during all of this, he wants to make it as easy as possible for me to get it back. I am starting to think that he is going to take it as a personal insult if I have trouble walking after the nuclear strike in my head goes off and they capture Achmed.
I don’t know if any of you have ever tried energy healing, but if you haven’t, you should consider it; it might even be covered on your health plan. Amanda, www.amandamaynard.com, … (ok, seriously, these people are not paying me to promote them… I just realized how this looks… perhaps I should say that they are not paying me yet…lol) is a personal coach and energy person. I have no idea what she does. I am the absolute biggest cynic in the world when it comes to what people would consider “airy fairy” healing, but I went to Amanda today for my first energy session, she calls it energy balance. She made tingly things move around inside of my body without touching me and when she was finished, my bad knee was working again after months of a pulled hamstring! I may have thought it was all quackery before now, but I am the biggest believer in it today. So, now she is preparing my energy balance for my trip to the hospital with Achmed.
So many people have contacted me today and said that I have such a great attitude and I am an inspiration with my positive view, etc… and don’t get me wrong, I like to hear all that, it makes me feel good, but my attitude comes from the people in my life and all the positive energy that all of you are sending my way. I know I am going to have bad days and good days, just last week I felt good if I had a good 2 minutes… but I believe in the law of attraction and I am attracting positive people around me and it is all of you who give me the strength to be positive because I can guarantee that when this all started, the last thing I was, was positive!
From Achmed and Me… Life Life!
It is funny how the world works, I met Carl and Amanda (not a couple and two separate things) and they became clients of mine and now I am clients of theirs. Carl is a 52 year-old teenager, so right away I liked him, even before I knew what he did. Among other things, Carl is a personal trainer, www.carlgeorge.ca, and he has me on some kind of weight program to increase my athleticism, strengthen my core and improve my bendiness. We have been working together for a couple of weeks now, and aside from him making me lift things when I am about to collapse (when I am about to quit at 100 lbs, he makes it 90, then when I am ready to stop he makes it 80… at the rate he is going I won’t be able to lift a pen up to write in a few more weeks), Carl has one of the most positive attitudes of anyone I know and you can’t help but see the bright side of things when you are around him. His goal is to make me strong enough to handle the atomic bomb I am expecting soon and to make sure that if my balance gets shot to hell during all of this, he wants to make it as easy as possible for me to get it back. I am starting to think that he is going to take it as a personal insult if I have trouble walking after the nuclear strike in my head goes off and they capture Achmed.
I don’t know if any of you have ever tried energy healing, but if you haven’t, you should consider it; it might even be covered on your health plan. Amanda, www.amandamaynard.com, … (ok, seriously, these people are not paying me to promote them… I just realized how this looks… perhaps I should say that they are not paying me yet…lol) is a personal coach and energy person. I have no idea what she does. I am the absolute biggest cynic in the world when it comes to what people would consider “airy fairy” healing, but I went to Amanda today for my first energy session, she calls it energy balance. She made tingly things move around inside of my body without touching me and when she was finished, my bad knee was working again after months of a pulled hamstring! I may have thought it was all quackery before now, but I am the biggest believer in it today. So, now she is preparing my energy balance for my trip to the hospital with Achmed.
So many people have contacted me today and said that I have such a great attitude and I am an inspiration with my positive view, etc… and don’t get me wrong, I like to hear all that, it makes me feel good, but my attitude comes from the people in my life and all the positive energy that all of you are sending my way. I know I am going to have bad days and good days, just last week I felt good if I had a good 2 minutes… but I believe in the law of attraction and I am attracting positive people around me and it is all of you who give me the strength to be positive because I can guarantee that when this all started, the last thing I was, was positive!
From Achmed and Me… Life Life!
Morning thoughts
What is the first thing that you think of in the morning when you wake up? That is the question that was put to me today in an email, and it made me think… Until I read that message, I don’t think I ever paid attention to what I thought in the morning after slamming my fist down on the alarm clock. Until a week ago, it was probably, “damn ( I use damn because this is a family friendly site), it’s 7:00 already… I need a coffee!” But the truth is I don’t know what it was.
I have an aunt who had breast cancer a few years ago, and when she woke up she thought, “I am a woman and I have breast cancer.” To be honest, I can’t even imagine how devastating that must have been. You can ask any girl I have ever dated in my entire life and they will all tell you, I am an ass man! To me breasts are just there, they are not really my focal point, but I guess when you are faced with losing a piece of you that you consider part of your identity, it makes you rethink the way you think! Breasts are part of her identity (I am going to burn in hell for talking like this about a family member) and walking is part of my identity, so is hearing, seeing and smiling and lately I have been thinking that Achmed has the potential to take some or all these things away from me and I haven’t even been paying attention to what I think in the morning.
My point is, I have been letting life slide by without paying attention, and I have always considered myself someone who embraces life and all it has to offer… I have even embraced a battle with my buddy Achmed, and I can tell you this for a fact, I am as surprised to be sharing all this stuff with the public as anyone who knows me is. Be all that as it may… I will be paying attention to what I am thinking when I wake up tomorrow and from now on… perhaps tomorrow it will breasts now that they are on my mind:)
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
I have an aunt who had breast cancer a few years ago, and when she woke up she thought, “I am a woman and I have breast cancer.” To be honest, I can’t even imagine how devastating that must have been. You can ask any girl I have ever dated in my entire life and they will all tell you, I am an ass man! To me breasts are just there, they are not really my focal point, but I guess when you are faced with losing a piece of you that you consider part of your identity, it makes you rethink the way you think! Breasts are part of her identity (I am going to burn in hell for talking like this about a family member) and walking is part of my identity, so is hearing, seeing and smiling and lately I have been thinking that Achmed has the potential to take some or all these things away from me and I haven’t even been paying attention to what I think in the morning.
My point is, I have been letting life slide by without paying attention, and I have always considered myself someone who embraces life and all it has to offer… I have even embraced a battle with my buddy Achmed, and I can tell you this for a fact, I am as surprised to be sharing all this stuff with the public as anyone who knows me is. Be all that as it may… I will be paying attention to what I am thinking when I wake up tomorrow and from now on… perhaps tomorrow it will breasts now that they are on my mind:)
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The facts of Achmed
Over the past week, I have had the "privilege" of telling and emailing a large number of family and friends about my new opportunity. After the initial shock has worn off (for me that took about 4 days) everyone wanted to know what the hell it was I had and how am I feeling.
It is a perfectly natural reaction to want the answer to these questions when a loved one has news such as this, but I gotta tell you, if I have to scientifically explain my situation one more time... that ball in my head just might explode. I studied business, I work at business, I live and breath everything business... I am a capitalist. I can probably tell you how much it is going to cost to fix my little friend and I can also give you a pretty good idea of my productivity rate for the past month because of him... but I can't even spell half the words that I have read this past week, much less pronounce them!
But to be completely honest, as an extremely non-scientific person, I can probably give you a relatively decent explaination of my opportunity as I have read approximately 18000 medical journals in one week. Perhaps my talents would have been better spent at med school afterall!
This is the coles notes version of Achmed:
University of Minnesota has a great site for basic info: http://www.med.umn.edu/otol/library/aneuroma/
Acoustic Neuroma Association of Canada (ANAC)
http://www.anac.ca/
As you have probably guessed from the websites that I have listed above, Achmed has a name, Acoustic Neuroma. It occurs in about 1 out of every 100,000 people and it is a benign (non-cancerous) brain tumor. The main symptoms are: loss of hearing; loss of facial control; and loss of balance. If treated early, it IS NOT a life threatening tumor.
Achmed is classed as a large- medium sized tumor. He is 25 mm (1 inch) in diameter and is predominately affecting my auditory nerve with some minor pressure on my facial nerve. As of now, it seems that my balance has not been effected... and yes, it seems that he has been detected realtively early.
Over the next couple of weeks I will have a lot of information to add here and I hope not to confuse you all as much as some of it confuses me! I wanted to get this blog started and let you all know that I am doing fine. I am healthy, strong and positive, so I don't want people to worry about me.
If you are going to think about this at all, think positive energy towards mankind in general, in particular the thousands of people around the world who have been given this opportunity to overcome adversity and are not blessed with all the positive things in their lives, which I am very fortunate to have.
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
It is a perfectly natural reaction to want the answer to these questions when a loved one has news such as this, but I gotta tell you, if I have to scientifically explain my situation one more time... that ball in my head just might explode. I studied business, I work at business, I live and breath everything business... I am a capitalist. I can probably tell you how much it is going to cost to fix my little friend and I can also give you a pretty good idea of my productivity rate for the past month because of him... but I can't even spell half the words that I have read this past week, much less pronounce them!
But to be completely honest, as an extremely non-scientific person, I can probably give you a relatively decent explaination of my opportunity as I have read approximately 18000 medical journals in one week. Perhaps my talents would have been better spent at med school afterall!
This is the coles notes version of Achmed:
University of Minnesota has a great site for basic info: http://www.med.umn.edu/otol/library/aneuroma/
Acoustic Neuroma Association of Canada (ANAC)
http://www.anac.ca/
As you have probably guessed from the websites that I have listed above, Achmed has a name, Acoustic Neuroma. It occurs in about 1 out of every 100,000 people and it is a benign (non-cancerous) brain tumor. The main symptoms are: loss of hearing; loss of facial control; and loss of balance. If treated early, it IS NOT a life threatening tumor.
Achmed is classed as a large- medium sized tumor. He is 25 mm (1 inch) in diameter and is predominately affecting my auditory nerve with some minor pressure on my facial nerve. As of now, it seems that my balance has not been effected... and yes, it seems that he has been detected realtively early.
Over the next couple of weeks I will have a lot of information to add here and I hope not to confuse you all as much as some of it confuses me! I wanted to get this blog started and let you all know that I am doing fine. I am healthy, strong and positive, so I don't want people to worry about me.
If you are going to think about this at all, think positive energy towards mankind in general, in particular the thousands of people around the world who have been given this opportunity to overcome adversity and are not blessed with all the positive things in their lives, which I am very fortunate to have.
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
Welcome to my headspace
Hello and welcome to my blog about Achmed the dead brain tumor! I will get to how I named this in a few minutes, but first I want to tell you what you have either accidentally or purposly stumbled across on the interweb.
My name is Kevin and I have a brain tumor. It kind of sounds like I have entered a 12 step program when I say it like that, but I can assure you that I am not addicted to this golf-ball sized pain in the ass in my head and I am going to win the battle against it.
I have started this blog for 3 reasons:
1) I have been blessed with so many supportive people in my life who are concerned, worried and curious about my well-being, and want to be "kept in the loop" on what the hell is going on, that there is no way I can keep everybody informed and still get anything else done. This dilemma has forced me to embrace technology in order to let my family and friends know what is happening. Truth is, I really can't afford to screw up my relationship with any of these people, just in case everything goes south at the clinic and I need any of them to drive me around, cook my dinner or perhaps clean up my house during my recovery:)
2) This is also a form of therapy for me to vent; get pissed off; evaluate my options and think out loud about my issues related to having a new companion in my head... literally... I am not a split personality or anything!
3) If one or more of the few thousand people in the world, who are diagnosed with this tumor every year, happen to stumble across my ranting neurosis, as they do their online searching like I did, and can find some twisted comfort or possibly helpful information, and realize that they are not going through this alone, that is a bonus (how is that for a run-on sentence).
Over the next several months, if you decide to follow me on my journey, you might laugh; you might cry; you might think to yourself, "why doesn't this guy just shut-up"; or you might find out a small piece of information that may help you or a loved one discover a problem at an earlier date than I did.
Whatever your reasons are for reading, I promise to be honest and open. I won't sugarcoat my news or what I am going through and when it is all over, and I win the battle of the brains with Achmed... well, I haven't really thought that far ahead yet, but I am going to win!
So, yes, the Achmed name. Well, I promise that I am not a bigot, nor do I harbour any ill will towards people from mid-eastern decent. The fact is, my buddy Ajay is from India and he is the one who put me on to Achmed The Dead Terrorist (google it, it is funny) in the first place. (and in case you are wondering, yes, I felt a little bit awkward when he first showed me the video a few years ago). But it is my sister Tina who made me name my new friend.
After she stopped crying (she was the first one to get the news) she said, "Kevin, you need to name it and kill it, you know like that dead terrorist video, 'I keell you!'" So I said, "We will call him Achmed and we will keell him!"
Welcome to my journey:)
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
My name is Kevin and I have a brain tumor. It kind of sounds like I have entered a 12 step program when I say it like that, but I can assure you that I am not addicted to this golf-ball sized pain in the ass in my head and I am going to win the battle against it.
I have started this blog for 3 reasons:
1) I have been blessed with so many supportive people in my life who are concerned, worried and curious about my well-being, and want to be "kept in the loop" on what the hell is going on, that there is no way I can keep everybody informed and still get anything else done. This dilemma has forced me to embrace technology in order to let my family and friends know what is happening. Truth is, I really can't afford to screw up my relationship with any of these people, just in case everything goes south at the clinic and I need any of them to drive me around, cook my dinner or perhaps clean up my house during my recovery:)
2) This is also a form of therapy for me to vent; get pissed off; evaluate my options and think out loud about my issues related to having a new companion in my head... literally... I am not a split personality or anything!
3) If one or more of the few thousand people in the world, who are diagnosed with this tumor every year, happen to stumble across my ranting neurosis, as they do their online searching like I did, and can find some twisted comfort or possibly helpful information, and realize that they are not going through this alone, that is a bonus (how is that for a run-on sentence).
Over the next several months, if you decide to follow me on my journey, you might laugh; you might cry; you might think to yourself, "why doesn't this guy just shut-up"; or you might find out a small piece of information that may help you or a loved one discover a problem at an earlier date than I did.
Whatever your reasons are for reading, I promise to be honest and open. I won't sugarcoat my news or what I am going through and when it is all over, and I win the battle of the brains with Achmed... well, I haven't really thought that far ahead yet, but I am going to win!
So, yes, the Achmed name. Well, I promise that I am not a bigot, nor do I harbour any ill will towards people from mid-eastern decent. The fact is, my buddy Ajay is from India and he is the one who put me on to Achmed The Dead Terrorist (google it, it is funny) in the first place. (and in case you are wondering, yes, I felt a little bit awkward when he first showed me the video a few years ago). But it is my sister Tina who made me name my new friend.
After she stopped crying (she was the first one to get the news) she said, "Kevin, you need to name it and kill it, you know like that dead terrorist video, 'I keell you!'" So I said, "We will call him Achmed and we will keell him!"
Welcome to my journey:)
From Achmed and Me... Live Life!
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