I know it has been a while… but I am delayed at the airport so I figured it was a good time to try to squeeze in another chapter.
As we were getting ready to leave the jazz festival the Master of Ceremonies for the day started talking about the 4 guys... yes, somehow three of us had done interviews with some dude while we were hanging around and waiting for Matt to meet up with us. Through all of the confusion of bad beer, getting the dog drunk, using the wrong toilet and finding out we were allowed to order booze instead of beer, we kind of forgot what we had told the guy.
PA announcer: “I’d like to welcome Jason, Todd and Kevin... blah, blah, blah... they work with ... blah, blah, blah... and they hate the beer and love the music. They are also on a quest of women of impaired judgement...” (we hated the music! By the time he was interviewing us the band sounded like the soundtrack from Borat!)
Matt sat there listening to the PA system and said: “That’s funny, there are a bunch of guys here from Newfoundland with the same first names and the same last names as you guys, just not combined. They even have the same kind of jobs as you guys...”
Jason: “Oh yeah, some guy interviewed us about the jazz festival.”
Matt: “And you used fake names?”
Jason: “Yes, sort of.”
Matt: “But you used your real jobs?”
Todd: “It just kind of happened.”
Kevin: “Yeah, we should have been spies or something.”
Matt: “I don’t think that you need to worry about women of ‘impaired judgement’ racing over to meet you...”
Kevin: “Well, not when the MC makes us sound so boring.”
Jason: “Let it roll!”
Kevin, Todd, Matt: “Let it roll.”
Then we rolled right on out of the beer tent towards the harbour.
By the time we all rolled up to the Lower Deck, the Halifax nightlife had already kicked into full throttle. One of the great things about the entertainment industry in Halifax is that people go out early and make a night of it. One of the crappy things about the entertainment industry in Halifax is that people go out early and make a night of it. It was only 6:00 and finding a table was a complete fluke because the place was already packed and the first band was already playing.
We were meeting a buddy of mine from the old neighbourhood, Jamie, who lived in Halifax now, although we could only find a table for four, we managed. By the time we ordered our two pitchers to start, we were all starving. Living on pub food for 4 days leaves an empty feeling in your stomach by the time it is mealtime again. Our poor waitress’s name was Katey, she was cute, she had a great sense of humour and above all she was patient and appreciated our quest for enjoyment.
I don’t have any idea what Jamie and the other 3 guys ordered for dinner, but I know I had a club sandwich and the only reason I know this for a fact is because club sandwiches at the Lower Deck come on Foccacia Bread. Anyone who has ever travelled with me will tell you, when in doubt about what I will order at a pub, put your money on a club sandwich and you will most likely win that bet.
So as we all ordered food, I asked for my club sandwich on whole-wheat bread. You would think that that is not an outrageous request… well, let me tell you my friends, you would be wrong!
Katey: “The Club Sandwich comes on Foccacia bread, which is a type of bread…”
Kevin: in a loud enough tone to basically drown out all of the surrounding tables, “I KNOW WHAT FOCCACIA BREAD IS!” (I have a problem with the volume button in my mouth when I drink)
This particular interaction was not one of my finer moments. As Katey rolled her eyes and pleaded inside of her head not to have to serve this table anymore, Jamie and the other 3-guys mocked and ridiculed me to the delight of all of the surrounding tables… and to Katey. I looked at her sheepishly and apologized completely for my disgusting display of manners… apparently Frat-boy Kevin had now taken over Sensible Kevin!
While we were waiting for our food, we ran out of beer. They do things a little differently at The Lower Deck than they do… well, pretty much anywhere else I have ever been… and every single task has a separate waiter. The food waiter, the beer waiter, the empty plate waiter, the empty jug waiter, the bring your bill waiter, the pay your bill waiter … Jason and Matt are pretty sure that there is a fighting waiter that they keep inside and only release on Yelling Patrons! Anyway, the empty beer pitcher waiter came by and I asked, “Can we order some more beer?” As he cleared away all of our empty pitchers, in mid-reach, and without missing a single movement of his precise job, he replied, “Not from me,” then smiled and walked away. It seems that we have finally been cut off from the bar… well, at least he was friendly.
Finally we got our beer privileges reinstated by the beer waiter, when up strolls the food waiter. Yes, Katey had decided to finish serving the obnoxious 4 guys. Actually, at that particular time it was only obnoxious Kevin. Passing the food around the table, she came to me, held my plate in front of me as everyone thought she was going to dump my food on my head and said, “One club sandwich, with foccacia bread… HOPEFULLY NO YELLING.” Ahhh, sweet Katey had proven that she had a great sense of humour, or hated me… I wasn’t really sure at that point… and she got probably the best tip of the night at a table that I am sure she didn’t want to serve at the beginning of the evening.
The other guys, as well as all of the tables within earshot, got a great laugh at my expense… but I really did deserve it. If you are reading this Katey, I am still sorry, but really, we all know that you had fun with this table:)
I am realizing that 6 instalments is not going to cover that whole weekend… it is still only dinner time and so much more happened that night!
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
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