Relationships

Everybody, everyday, engages in different types of relationships in different ways. Family, friends, business, romantic... ultimately every interaction is a form of a relationship. Since I got back from the KISS road trip, I have really been putting a lot of thought into this subject.

Building business relationships in my career has always been something that I am good at, however, relationships in my personal life have always been something that I have put very little effort into, in fact, most of the time, if they weren’t going the way I wanted them to go, I would just let them die. I have spent night’s home watching TV (and anyone who knows me knows that is not really any kind of enjoyment for me) rather than pick up the phone and call around to see if anyone is up for something. For the most part, almost every girlfriend that I have ever had has given up on me, and moved on with their life in a direction that didn’t include me. Oddly enough, Melanie (my ex-wife) is one of the only ex’s that I have had over the years who actually speaks to me and genuinely seems interested in how I am doing.

Since I found out about Achmed, I have started to look at relationships in my life in a whole new light. I have always been career driven, and really from that point of view I felt that my relationship building skills have always been pretty good, but my personal life was something that just existed in the background. I had my guitar guys and my hockey buddies and my handful of close friends, which no matter how much I screw things up will always be there. I had my family, who are kind of required to be there even if I don’t put any effort into it.

My divorce made me rethink that, so did counseling, so did a few new people in my life over the past couple of years and more recently, so did Achmed. Have you ever heard the saying that relationships are here for a season; a reason; or a lifetime? I believe that saying is true and I believe that sometimes people don’t realize which type of relationship they are in, which is what causes all the problems.

Relationships are no different than a garden (and I know nothing about gardening).

First you have a lawn, which represents your best and closest friends and takes up the majority of the garden, and with very little care, just some regular maintenance; will give you a lovely blanket of green and a nice foundation to build everything else on. Occasionally you get some weeds, but if you deal with them, they are fixed, if you let them take root, they ruin your entire lawn.

Then you have a tree or a few of them, probably a maple, which will grow and flourish with virtually no care at all and always be there to provide you the shade you need, no matter what. This is your family. The trees and the lawn are there for your lifetime.

Then you have your flowers. The perennials are the ones that die every year and come back every spring; they are generally green and not a lot of colour, but very reliable and always show up. They don’t take a lot of care, but you still have to pay attention to them. These are the seasonal relationships, they come in and out of your life, and you might miss them when they are gone, but you know something will be back to replace it.

As for the annuals, these flowers show up once in a lifetime. They are vibrant and colourful and smell nice. They take the most time and effort. They attract butterflies and birds and make your garden come alive and you could just sit there and take in the beauty all day. These are the relationships that come into your life to perk you up, get you over a tough spot, but then they die and go away. The perfect annual flower is the one you will never forget and all of them serve a purpose.

Personally, I have always had trouble remembering which type of flower is an annual and which is a perennial. And in life too, I have had trouble figuring out which relationship fell into which category. In business it is usually obvious. In my personal life, not so much!

A lot of people who know me really well will tell you, I am an emotional dumbass and the trail of broken relationships that I have left behind me probably confirms their suspicions. I guess my point is that I have recently realized how fragile and short life is and learning to recognize what type of relationship category someone is in will help in the long run.

So, I am going to enjoy my garden and appreciate the flowers, colourful or green, when they show up, and learn the lessons they have to teach me while they are here, and remember them when they are gone. I am also going to consider what type of garden plant I am in other people's lives... hopefully I am not a weed!

This kind of gives a whole new meaning to “Stop and smell the roses”.

From Achmed and Me... Live Life!