Today started out like so many other days in my life, at 7:30 my phone alarm went off for my weekday ‘get your ass outta bed’ call… apparently I had forgotten to turn it off when I got here.
I spent the first part of the morning moping around the hotel room, kind of nervous, not really able to eat, or think, or really do much of anything, eventually, around 11:00, Mom and I headed over to the hospital to get me checked in with the Neurology Department. A little know fact about my past is that I was once in the army… and I hated every minute of it (that part probably doesn’t surprise very many people). I left the army for two reasons: first, my eyesight was not good enough to get into flight-school, even though I graduated from basic training at almost the top of my class and was accepted to the Officer Training Program. Since I couldn’t fly and wanted to, they decided to train me to be a sniper and put me in the Parrot Troopers… The Airborne Regiment, the same one that was eventually disbanded because of a couple of yahoos in Somalia in the early 90’s. I figured that since there was no sensible or earthly reason to jump out of a perfectly good, mechanically working airplane, this particular career path was probably not the one I wanted to take. The second reason for bailing on a military career was… apparently I ask too many questions. My ability to find a question in pretty much every statement is probably one of the things that makes me good at what I do now, it does, however, makes one a terrible solider!
Anyway, my point was supposed to be that the dude who drove me to the hospital was a retired airborne guy. We spent my whole drive talking about jumps and comparing close calls to tragedy. He found it a little amusing that a guy who turned down a career in parachuting eventually became a recreational jumper who had to pay to jump out of planes. Well, I have always been one to take the long way around to things.
Eventually I got checked in at the Winnipeg Health Science Centre. I have only one thing to say to any Newfoundland Healthcare professionals who may be reading this… customer service, if you can’t figure out what it is, come to Manitoba and go to a hospital! People here are really friendly and people in the healthcare system are not only friendly, they are also HELPFUL! Enough of my ranting, although I am going to recommend to the Health Minister at home that he take a trip out here to see how things could be on the Rock.
So, once I was all squared away, I met with my surgical Team, lead by Dr. Michael West, a tall, relaxed and knowledgeable individual. (I don’t know why, but I am always surprised at how laid back people are who are involved in brain surgery, I know that is probably a good thing, but really, these guys seriously piss icecubes.) After a bunch of introductions and questions and preliminary testes, I saw a picture of Achmed. I now know why my headaches have gotten so bad and have been going on for years and I didn’t really pay attention to them. To put it in Dr. West’s words, “Your tumor is quite large for someone so young.”
Achmed is pushing against my facial nerve, which is causing the numbness; he is growing on my auditory and balance nerve, which are irreparably damaged; and is pushing on my brainstem and reducing the flow of spinal fluid, which is causing numbness in my hand that I always thought was related to a herniated disc I had a few years ago.
Not that I was ever considering any of the alternatives of treatment, other than the Gamma Knife, but after today I have realized that it is the only real treatment that will work, and in another year or two, I may not have even been eligible for it.
Simply, if left alone Achmed “will paralyse me and eventually take my life”, (although Dr. West did say they would intervene before I actually died), because of the location to the nervous system, the relevant nerves and the infiltration in the brain and pressure on the spinal column, tradition surgery is not only an option that will give me a crappy quality of life, but it “would present several unwanted complications, such as: severe nerve damage to your face and balance, complete deafness, potential spinal fluid leakage and paralysis.” Everyone who even knows me a little bit knows that I am not having any of that!
Interestingly enough, I have been telling everyone all along that my balance has not been affected at all by Achmed. Apparently I have been wrong. My body has adapted over the past 10 to 15 years that Achmed has been along for the ride. Oddly enough, if I get some shrinkage of Achmed, and because of his large volume it is quite possible that he may get up to 30% smaller, two side effects are going to happen: the pressure on my facial nerve may be eased and my balance may be partially restored.
In a twisted set of circumstances, if my balance gets partially restored, it is going to screw up my balance until my body readjusts… how’s that for irony?
On the hearing front… my hearing is permanently damaged it is likely to get worse over time, even with a successful Gamma Knife treatment. The roaring in my head is just something that I am going to have to get used to, although it is possible that the fluctuations in my hearing and roaring may stabilize, which would at least give me the opportunity to adapt to whatever level it settles on.
I am not going to be a candidate for any kind of traditional hearing aid, although there is a type of surgically implanted speaker system that I can look into. Simply, they put a microphone in your bad ear and a speaker in your good one, and your good ear picks up the sound on your bad side. Unless I go completely deaf, it is not likely an option I am going to seriously look at.
As I said to Dr. West, “This suck man.”
He nodded and said, “It does suck Kevin, but this treatment is your best option to preserve your quality of life, and that is what is important to you.”
I couldn’t have said that better myself.
Tonight I am taking Mom out to dinner. Tomorrow I am supposed to ‘relax’.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
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