At 7:00 AM I woke up for the first time... my bladder was so extended that I could not even sit up! There was someone in the can, unloading their bowels for all they were worth... finally the toilet flushed and I rolled out of bed and painfully made it to the bathroom... only to hear the shower start flowing! “F#@%” was all I could get out of me at that point! I will admit that the bar sink started to look pretty appealing. I made it back to the couch only to trip on a suitcase or something, stumble back on the mattress and hit my stomach with such force that the bladder containment almost became an embarrassing issue. By the time I finally got comfortable again, the shower stopped and Matt strolled out wrapped in a towel... it seemed like it took him about an hour, but I am sure it was only a few minutes. I made it to the toilet and relieved and myself with such force, that I thought the back of the toilet was going to break off. After I peed out my 4 gallons of liquid, I made it back to the rack for my second sleep.
A couple of hours later, as I started to pry my eyes open, all I could smell was stale beer, drunken sweat and curry farts from Jason’s dinner... that coupled with the spring sticking in my back from the couch and I realized. ah yes, welcome to Day 2 Kevin, you have had a pleasant visit from the Beer Fairy… you know, the one who takes all of your money, beats on your head and shits in your mouth!
That was pretty much the exact moment that Jason walked in the door after his breakfast, morning swim and visit to the hot tub. “Good morning guys, it’s a beautiful day out there, let it roll.” That was when I noticed that Jason doesn’t actually need to be drunk to have the cheesiest of grins. Approximately 20 seconds after he walked in all you could hear was the “chsht” in 4-part harmony, of opening beer cans. That is correct, I was not even technically up yet and it started all over again!
Since Jason was so cherry and rested, we all called him a ‘prick’, and I told him that he was rude and obnoxious the previous night. He said, “That’s funny, I thought you were boring!” Amazing how alcohol can so easily change one’s perception of any given situation.
Todd and I got showers to get ready to take on the day... two separate showers! By the time the first round of beers were gone, the rest of us, excluding Jason, went out for breakfast. The place where we ultimately ate, The Bluenose, was about 3 blocks East of our hotel. Since we had no idea where to go, we headed North, then we headed East, then we headed South, then we headed West. After a half-dozen stops at pubs, only to find out they don’t open early enough for breakfast on a Friday, we finally ended up practically next door to the hotel again.
This place was like a greasy spoon with out the grease, the food was good and they served Caesars with breakfast. Looking at the plate of food, you could almost feel your arteries harden before you even ate anything. Our table was very quiet, one of the few times that anyone could say that about any table that we sat at for those days.
After breakfast we ate, we picked up Jason and went to Mountain Equipment Co-op, and then Matt had a business lunch so the rest of us went to a bar for lunch. This is really where the best-day-ever started... Spring-Garden Road, here we come. Matt went to a meeting, Todd went to bed and Kevin and Jason went to Starbuck’s.
Jason was ahead of me in the line and ordered some kind of smoothie... not one to miss out on an opportunity to mock someone’s coffee taste, I asked for “a Man’s coffee” and interestingly enough, the girl knew exactly what I wanted.... BOLD. This particular Starbuck’s has a great vantage point for people watching, a favourite pastime of mine when I am on the road because it is really not very exciting in St. John’s.
One thing that Jason and I agreed on was that Halifax was a great city for legs and asses and as those of you who actually follow this blog already know... I am an ass man. Eventually, we got the “where r u?” text from Todd as he crawled out of the rack again. A little while later he shows up, and before anyone could even say hi, Todd blurts out, “there are a lot of nice asses in this town!” Jason smiles and says, “Let it Roll.” Honestly, I am not really sure what he meant, but we all agreed anyway.
Nearby, there was some great live music playing and we were all saying that it is too bad that there is no patio around here somewhere where we could get a pint. No sooner said than realized, we were sitting next-door to a roof-top patio. (I have to say, Halifax is a great city for finding a deck to sit on and order food and drink... St. John’s could take a few lessons form them!) We felt obliged to finish our coffee (well, my coffee and Jason’s girly drink) and hit the deck. We hit the deck at the bar whose name I forget but used to be The Thirsty Duck only to find out that the ‘great live music’ was not a band at all, but a CD of a band. Oh well, good tunes are good tunes!
We sat down and Todd ordered a pitcher, I said I was going to wait until later for beer and just have water. That decision lasted just long enough for the waiter, Jason and Todd to look at me like I was from a different planet... so; we made it two pitchers to start. Although we were having a great time on the deck, and slowly creeping into the same mental zone that Jason and Todd were in on the Thursday, once we ate, we went to the beer tent at the Jazz Festival, which was right around the corner, which seemed to have good live music until we showed up.
When we got toe the ticket tent, Todd asked, “How much are the tickets?”
Cashier: “Tickets for what?
Todd: “I don’t know you are the one selling the tickets.”
Cashier: “Here is a list of events for the festival...”
Kevin: “Do you have a beer tent in there?”
Cashier: “Yes we do.”
Kevin: “How much are the tickets to get in here?”
Cashier: “For which event?”
Kevin: “For the one happening right now with the beer tent.”
Cashier: “This afternoon’s event is free until 5:00 PM, then you will be asked to leave and pay to re-enter tonight’s event.”
Kevin: “Thank-you, we won’t be coming back, we are going out to listen to good music tonight.” I was obviously well on my way to frat-boy mode by now.
Kevin: to Todd “C’mon dumbass, we are allowed in now.” I don’t think that Todd had fully recovered form Thursday’s episode yet.
Once we knew it was free to get in, Jason bolted for the gate and got in ahead of us and gathered directions to the beer tent. This was supposed to be a joyous occasion, the band was not bad, we had decent seats and we were all basically on vacation... to top all of that off, the beer people kept forgetting to ask Jason for his beer tickets, so if the beer had actually been any good, we could have drank for free all day.
There were two flaws with this setting; first of all, the beer was not all that good. Secondly, Matt had recently texted us to find out where we were... he was going to be in for a treat when he showed up, this time he didn’t even have a sober buddy to talk to while we were all being obnoxious.
While we were waiting for Matt to arrive and catch-up (we had already decided, in his best interest, that he should hit the shooter bar for 20 minutes before he actually speaks to us) I had to have one of my monster urinations. The only portable toilet anywhere near us was reserved for staff and musicians… well, I play guitar, that must make me a musician… at least that is the way I looked at it. Now that I think of it, why would they put all of the portable toilets on the other side of the fairgrounds, away from the beer tent? Anyway, I went into the restricted toilet and Jason stood outside and waited for me. While I was enjoying some relief, the hot brunette singer form the band (yes a lady) walked in on me taking a leak. Jason watched the whole thing; he thought it would be funny. The poor girl was so embarrassed. When I stepped out she completely turned red and tried to hide her face asking me, “Is the lock broken?” I looked at her a little bit confused, “There’s a lock?”
Not long after that Matt showed up and Jason gave him a beer ticket. Matt says, “Thanks guys, that’s very kind of you.” Jason replies, “Don’t thank us yet, the beer tastes like sh!t.”
Two minutes later Matt sits at our table with 2-double rye and gingers (his catch-up method of choice). We all look at Matt’s drinks and at the same time say, “Where did you get that?” He looked at us like we were idiots and said, “At the bar.”
Jason: “We thought you could only buy beer?”
Matt: “Well, you thought wrong.”
Jason: “Well, there is not much point in continuing with this so-called beer then.”
The three of us must have looked a bit dull in the head on the realization that we were drinking something that we didn’t like just because we had bought tickets for it.
During this little interaction, Max came by. Max is a cross between a Labrador Retriever and a Siberian Husky, completely black with blue eyes and as gentle as a lamb. And luckily for us, Max likes beer!
I dumped my beer out, Jason fed his to the dog and dumped the rest of it in Todd’s glass while he was gone to the bathroom and me and Jason went and got a glass of rum to wash down the crappy beer. Todd came back from the bathroom and drank the rest of his beer because he couldn’t bear to throw it out. We told him later that he was drinking Max’s leftovers… he didn’t seem to mind.
By the time we were out of drink tickets, it was pushing for 5:30 and we had made arrangements to go to the Lower Deck for dinner and have a a semi-early night to rest up for the big KISS concert the next night.
We could not have been more misguided on how our evening would turn out.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment