So, when I left off last time, Matt and I were struggling to catch-up with Jason and Todd. It wasn’t so much the fact that we felt a juvenile need to be impaired, but more to the point we all had to share a hotel room for 4 nights and were probably going to be hanging out together a lot… and these guys were really obnoxious and annoying. Matt and I had to put ourselves in a mental state of tolerance.
Martin and Jane (the two strangers who Jason and Todd had befriended at the restaurant) were lovely people and seemed to be doing the same thing that Matt and I were… drinking enough to be able to tolerate Jason and Todd. Everyone was buying rounds for the table. Our poor waitress, Jenny, was really struggling to smile at times… until shift change and she was finished with us… that grin could have lit up the entire downtown on a dark night when she said, “Ok guys, enjoy Halifax, I am going now!” I am sure if she had her time back, she never would have told us she was leaving, because it only started a drawn out discussion on where to go that night, which I am sure she would have rather avoided.
Jason: in a drunken slur “You’re leaving us?”
Jenny: “Yes. I am off now and going to have some drinks with the girls.”
Jason: in a drunken slur “Girls!!!??? Where are you going tonight?” (this is the part where I am sure Jenny wishes she had lied and quickly ran away if she had her time back)
Jenny: “Well, we are all going to BBQ and drink some wine and then go out dancing at The Seahorse.”
Todd: also in a drunken slur “So if we go to The Seahorse, will you dance with us?”
Kevin: now in full catch-up mode “We would be happy if you even spoke to us by then.”
Jenny: “Oh, I will definitely come over and see you guys.”
That is when Jason stood up and went into full Borat-Mode, saying “High Five!” looking at everyone at the table with his cheesy / drunken grin. I will blame Jason for what followed because he started the ball rolling… we all stood up and started yelling “High Five” or “Very Nice” or “It’s Good For Me”. Ten minutes later we noticed that all of the tables immediately surrounding ours were suddenly empty. This was yet, another trend that continued on through the weekend. Perhaps drinking at a restaurant in the middle of the day is not something that the people of Halifax are used to.
After that show of maturity, Jenny came back with our bill.
Todd: “So we will see you at The Seahorse tonight?”
Jenny: “Well, we might go to The Seahorse, so if we do, I will see you guys there.”
Kevin: “What other bars might you end up at if you don’t go to The Seahorse?”
Jenny: “You know, it is such a nice night out, we might all just stay at my friend’s house.”
Jason: “C’mon… you ladies are going to go out somewhere… where are you going?”
Jenny: “Well, there are so many good bars to go to, it is hard to say.”
Interesting to note here, that Matt, who is chronologically the youngest on our little band of merrymen, was certainly the most mature at this point and silently watched the three of us make fools of ourselves, only to point it out later. Also interesting to note is that Jason and Matt are both very happily married Jason was just being “a good wingman for you guys” so he says.
Kevin: “So if we went to a bar tonight, which one should we go to?”
Jenny: “The Seahorse.”
Todd: “So, you are going to The Seahorse?”
Jenny: “I really don’t know where we are going… it is a slight possibility that we could end up at The Seahorse.”
Jason: with the cheesiest of grins I have ever seen, “We will meet you at the Seahorse.”
Jenny: “Well, I am probably not going to be there tonight.”
Matt: finally speaks up, “Don’t worry Jenny, I will keep these guys out of The Seahorse.”
Jenny: “OK, you guys have a great night.”
We never saw Jenny again, and incidentally we never made it to The Seahorse Thursday night either.
Throughout this multi-hour interaction with Jenny and The 4 Guys (it almost sounds like a porn movie), all of us and Martin and Jane continued to get louder and more obnoxious as more beer came to the table. Jason’s mantra “Let It Roll” started to become the quote that legends were made of. Every time someone had something fun to say, Jason screamed out, “Let it roll,” and slapped Matt somewhere on his person (they were seated next to each other). Matt is a big guy, built like a linebacker and Jason barely made it up to Matt’s shoulder. At one point Jason slapped Matt in the chest or stomach or somewhere that was easy for Matt to reach, and Matt grabbed Jason’s arm and said, “If you do that one more time I am going to break your arm!” Jason put both arms in the air and screamed, “Let it roll, whoooooo!” I don’t think he actually ever slapped Matt again though.
We paid our bill and headed out on our next adventure. Jason and Todd had still not checked in to the hotel, so they went to the hotel and Matt and I hit the beer store. After all, what is a guy’s road-trip with out beer in the room? We weren’t gone all that long, but when we got back with a case of beer each, Todd and Jason were sitting on the couch drinking room service beer. Apparently, they could not wait the extra ten minutes for us to get back to the room, so they ordered four $10 beers to hold them over. When Matt asked, “Where did you guys get the beer?”
Jason smiled and replied, “Check-in gift, some guy just brought them to our room.” The next morning, Jason had zero recollection of ordering room service, and we only found out for sure when we checked out on Monday.
By now it was dinner time and the first pair of lads had been drinking since 10:00 AM. Todd fell asleep, sitting up, with his eyes open. It was creepy, but by now all of us were suffering the side-effects of too much beer so we all stood there laughing at him. Then we went out to eat. Todd woke up a couple of hours later and didn’t have any idea where he was, how he got there and when he walked out of the room, was completely lost. I would have loved to see the look on his face when he figured he was alone in a strange city with no idea where anyone is… this precisely is why texting is such a great road-trip tool.
Matt, Jason and I… or more accurately, Matt and I brought Jason along for dinner at The Economy Shoe Shop. This would become one of the places that will miss us the most… or at least miss our money.
Grabbing a table in the corner, we immediately ordered… can you guess? That is correct, a round of beers…pints of Hoegarden to be specific, which is kind of a spicy Belgium beer. Jason likes Canadian Light… so that is probably enough said there! This particular beer comes in a very large, very heavy pint glass that takes the average person two hands to lift when it is full. Jason is not the average person, so he opted for resting his chin on the edge of the glass and licking the beer up like a dog. Jason is no Gene Simmons, so he only got a few inches from the top when he gave it up and decided that he didn’t need to drink anymore that day.
With each bite of his chicken curried pasta, Matt and I saw Jason literally shut down… much like a robot turning off each individual muscle. By the end of the meal, Matt and I had ordered another round of beers… actually, that is not completely accurate… Matt ordered another beer and I drank the rest of Jason’s… only the next day did I realize that his tongue slime was probably all over that beer… oh well, it still tasted good. Eventually the waiter (one of the few male waiters we had all weekend, and probably the only one who actually hates us) came over and asked if we were done with our plates. Matt answered coherently; Kevin answered coherently; Jason, slumped over in his chair with drool coming out of his mouth and one eye completely closed, made a back-handed motion toward the waiter and said, “Phimpt…” We are not completely sure if he was trying to speak or vomit, but the waiter scowled and took his plate.
Jason continued to slip into a coma as Matt and I finished up our beers and paid the bill. This is when I decided that I needed one of these glasses. When I was a student, my apartment was full of beer labelled glasses and apparently I had now slipped into complete frat-boy mode. I had decided that we needed to bring Jason back to the hotel because he was only going to drag us down for the rest of the night… Matt happily agreed and said, “Let’s go.” At that instant, Jason popped out of his chair like he was spring-loaded into it and ran down to the corner before Matt and I were even off the patio. I really don’t know where he got the energy, only seconds earlier he was all but a corpse. We had also told Jason that he had to carry the Hoegarden glass back to the room so me and Matt could hit the casino and play some blackjack. Well, I had to sneak the glass out after all since he had taken off like someone who robbed a bank, but we still made Jason carry it back once we caught up to him.
We dropped Jason at the hotel and hit the casino. I love my Vegas trips, and Matt loves them even more, but we can both honestly say that Halifax is no Vegas. We took our beating at the table and agreed that it was a mistake to come… they don’t even give out free drinks while you are losing your money in Halifax!
By now Todd had stumbled awake and had texted me to see what the plan was for the night… when I look back on it, I am the guy who was supposed to be taking it easy and resting Achmed and I am the guy who stayed up all night and basically swapped drinking partners. I would claim that they are all light-weights except that Todd and Jason have young children who keep them awake all night and Matt had just gotten back from Vegas where he was on vacation with his wife. Between jet-lag and late-nights, I guess the other 3 guys had an excuse to be needing rest that day… no tot mention that Jason and Todd had been drinking since 10:00 AM!
Matt went back to the hotel and I met up with Todd at a mutual friend’s hotel and we had a couple of beers before we went out. And if you were to guess what bar Todd wanted to go to… what one would come to mind? That is correct; we went to The Seahorse… however Halifax is nothing like St. John’s when it comes to going out for a night’s entertainment. There was a big J@$*$ line-up when we arrived! In Halifax, it seems that people go out for a night of entertainment and alcohol just happens to be part of it… very likely why I like going to Halifax! In St. John’s, people want to get loaded and go out, and entertainment just happens to be part of it. Anyway, there was no point in being pissed off and I was not about to line-up for an hour, so we went to The Shoe Shop… this place was really starting to become my home away from home.
Eventually, we all ended up at Cheers and there was a decent band playing, but by now I was starting to fade. I hung out with the guys for a bit and headed back to the hotel… with no accidents or fall-downs along the way!
Now to explain the sleeping arrangements… two double beds, one pull-out couch and 4 guys! It really was a frat-boy weekend! Well, Jason and Matt had already scored the beds… so I pulled out the couch and took complete command of it, leaving Todd with the option of the floor or sliding in with one of the other guys.
And this was just the first day.
From Achmed and Me… Live Life!
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