The Blessing of Achmed

I don’t know if any of you are Rod Stewart fans, but when I typed “The Blessing of Achmed” I instantly thought of “The Killing of Georgie”, which was indeed, a great song, and according to the title, somewhat appropriate for what I did last night.

I was raised as a Catholic, and although I have spent about half of my life not going to church outside of special occasions, I still kind of consider myself one. I am not a fan of overly zealous people in any type of belief, and I am pretty sure that no one can ever accuse me of being a fanatical religious type, but I do have the utmost respect for other people’s beliefs and I would never mock any of them. Be that as it may, I am a spiritual person and I believe in the principals of Christianity, giving, do unto others, a higher power, etc… and as you all know, I am a big believer in positive thinking.

Well, last night I got a big religious dose of positive thinking. Most of you have probably heard of ‘Last Rights’, it is a Catholic sacrament that is administered to someone by a priest when they are dying (when the person is dying, not when the priest is dying). I am not dying, not yet anyway, but there is also a sacrament for the sick, or healing… I called it ‘Pre-Last Rights’… Father Bill (who is also my uncle) laughed, but I am still a little unsure if he thought it was funny or I was being inconsiderate. (Hey Fr. Bill, I know that you read this, so in case you were not sure, I was just joking).

So last night I was administered the Sacrament of Healing, by about 20 people who all prayed (or knowing some of who were there, they just emitted positive energy in general) and I got doused with oil that smelled like lavender. As Fr. Bill was putting this scented, blessed, holy oil on my head and hands, I thought to myself, “Hey, this stuff smells pretty good, I should take the leftovers and use it as massage oil.” As I thought this (luckily in silence) I also thought to myself, “When I finally do die, I think I am going to hell.”

Interestingly enough, I have to comment on the oil. My mother took the leftover oil and said, “We will bring this to Winnipeg with us, just in case.” As I watched mom bottle up the oil I couldn’t help but remember my wedding day. Melanie’s (my now ex, but then actual wife) cousin had brought a box of Viagra up from the states as a wedding gift for me and presented it to me with a big long speech, and asked me to open it and show everyone what it was. I like presents, so I didn’t even think about the fact that this could be a joke. I unwrapped the box and there it was; a blue sample box of 12 Viagra pills. It was pretty new on the market at the time and not easy to get your hands on without a prescription. Of course everyone at the head table wanted to see what the package looked like, so I passed it on down the line. I never got it back, but there is a clip on my wedding video of Dad admiring the box and sticking in his inside jacket pocket. I never was able to bring myself to ask for it back. Makes me wonder if I am ever going to see that oil again.

Really, one would think after a night like last night, with all the good feelings and everything that I would have slept like a baby. That unfortunately was not the case. Yesterday was one of the days that I heard static all day, and now I have come to realize when that happens, I am not getting any sleep. It seems to be a sign of a major headache brewing. I am not exactly sure what I can do about it, maybe when this happens I just need to lie down for a while and rest instead of pushing myself all day. I am sure I will figure it out eventually.

For now I am going to pack for Achmed’s next road trip, we are off to Toronto to see U2. This trip will be nothing like the 4 Guys in Halifax, but I am sure it will still be fun. Speaking of the 4 Guys and a Rock and Roll Band, the other instalments will be coming soon… I think.

So, let's all hope that the blessing of Achmed helps with the killing of him.

From Achmed and Me… Live Life!