The Bang That Woke a Sleeping Giant

I hope that you all enjoyed game seven, as I predicted, it was an awesome game. As I did not predict, my usual food fare for such an event, beer, nachos and wings, was converted into spring water, steamed soy beans and fruit salad… it seems that either Achmed is a health nut or I am Jesus… no, that was water into wine, not the other way around!

I can’t thank you all enough for the support, prayers and positive thoughts that you have shown to me and my family over the past couple of weeks. If the relatively good news that I received the other day from the General is any indication of how all that works, I’d like to ask you all to keep it up. Although I am in a holding pattern right now, I still have a lot to deal with in the not too distant future.

Since I found out that I was carrying a new passenger on my travel though life, one of the main questions that I have been asked is “how did you find out that Achmed was aboard?”, “How bad are your symptoms?”, “Did the numbness in your face finally make you get it checked?”, “Did you feel a lump in your head?” (yes, believe it or not, someone asked me that question)... and let’s not forget Billy’s infamous query… “Why can’t they fix your personality?”

These are all fair questions… well I am not sure if Billy’s is, I may have to re-evaluate hanging out with the guitar guys on Thursday nights. The bottom line is, aside from the loss of hearing, which really could have been linked to dozens of things, including too many concerts, I didn’t even know I had any symptoms and the General says I could probably have lived another 5 years without discovering it. Now, in 5 years time, it would have been big enough for me to consider myself… well, F@(%#D! I have always admired the versatility of that word, and it seems that no matter what context you use it in, everyone knows exactly what you mean.

Like lots of tumours that you have heard about being discovered, Achmed was found out by accident. I got tripped up playing hockey, fell on my head and blacked out. And if that wasn’t enough of a message, 8 days later it happened again. Now, I have been playing hockey for pretty much as long as I can remember… it is part of my identity. I actually don’t remember not being able to skate (I got my first pair of skates for Christmas when I was 2). I have been banged up, knocked over, smacked in the head, twisted my knees, pulled muscles, torn ligaments, broken teeth, my nose, my ribs and my wrist… but I have never actually been knocked out, until that night.

Achmed must have gotten pissed off with the bang to my skull, because I couldn’t hear anything in my right ear for 4 or 5 days after the first smack. Then, as things were improving and the headaches were going away an the hearing was returning, I got bowled over again and landed on the side of my head, right where Achmed hangs out. It seems the universe was trying to send me to the doctor’s office.

Initially the Marines were thinking … maybe post-concussion-syndrome. Those words weren’t exactly comforting, but really… there are a lot worse things than headaches and ear ringing… well, at least I think so now…lol. I went through a series of tests over the next couple of months… hearing tests, nerve tests, and a bunch of things that I can’t pronounce or spell. Ultimately, before they made any decisions, they wanted to do a CT scan because some of my symptoms weren’t exactly matching some of the test results. The big telltale sign was that my hearing impairment was fluctuating, to quote the Marine in charge of that particular mission, “It looks like you have had some audio trauma, although your ‘something’ looks good… there is a slight possibility it could be a tumour, but something, something, something… don’t worry, it is PROBABLY benign. We are going to do a CT scan to take a closer look.”

Now, I certainly appreciate the Marines laying out the facts, and I am glad that they got me into get my head examined by a large radioactive scanner (I feel like I am going to turn into Spiderman by the time this is all over), but really… who teaches these guys how to deliver news?

Anyway, this is getting long and I am heading out to lunch with my folks… I’ll have to finish it tomorrow.

From Achmed and Me… Live Life!